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  • Mistakes

    May 15th, 2022

    Mistakes are very much a part of life. We all make them, some big and some small. And let’s face it, some of the mistakes we make can have enormous consequences. So, it’s not outside of the norm to experience fear behind a mistake. 

    Fear is a catalyst for inquiry. 

    A string of questions typically follows mistakes. What’s next? What am I going to do? or How do I fix it?

    That is often followed by a long period of indecisiveness, guilt, panic, and even shame. Then, finally, it can become a downward spiral unless something is done.

    After a mistake, what’s next? 

    There is no definitive answer. All actions have consequences. Some are good, and some not so much. Some prices we pay immediately, and other times the bill comes due down the road. 

    There are times when we pick up the bill, and sometimes others do. There is no way to know what comes next. 

    Altering the future can only be done by acting in the present. However, this is a question many let arrest their movement. One must take up the courage to face what is and work to improve (see it as a lesson)

    “Wisdom comes from making mistakes, having the courage to face them, and make adjustments moving forward based upon the knowledge aquired through those experiences.”
    ― Ken Poirot

    What am I going to do? 

    There is only one thing to do. Get up. Dust yourself off and keep moving. Tomorrow will come whether one likes it or not. The past always turns into now. And it ultimately causes more pain to try to stay in a place that is no longer. You die a thousand deaths that way because only ghosts occupy the past. And ghosts have no real communion with the living. 

    How do I fix it, my mistake? 

    Photo by Aimee Vogelsang on Unsplash

    You can mend it. 

    You can fill in the cracks.

    However, one can’t erase the past. It’s impossible to rewind time. Once said, a word has crippling power, and a bullet that has left the chamber finds its target.

    And unfortunately,  once the milk is spilled, as the adage goes, “there is no use in crying.”

    Photo by Robert Hrovat on Unsplash

    What’s done is done! 

    So, the work is in rebuilding and restoring.

    It is in building up the character to do better. 

    The truth is the only way to move on from a mistake is to learn from it. 

    So, glean wisdom and let it make you a better person. 

    When we become more conscientious, slow down, and think first, we are less apt to make mistakes. Our decisions become deliberate. Our choices will be based on the now, not the past or a future that has yet to arrive. 

    Real-life Example

    My baby boy wanted slime. So in a desire to make my baby boy happy, my mind went to work on how I could surprise him with this slime. I had no forethought of the results of buying that slime. So I was hurried in my action; I was driven by emotion. I was not conscientious. My response was driven by past and future emotionalism. I wanted to give him more of what I felt I didn’t have growing up. And I anticipated a specific reaction.

    I did get the reaction? He loves that slime.

    After getting it, my oldest son said, “Mom, I think that might have been a mistake.” And I contended no. I said, “Why?” He said because “Mom he’s going to have that everywhere.” Again, I said no, outright denying my mistake at the time. “I said, I told him to keep on the table.”

    My Mistake

    I must admit my baby boy kept the slime on the table. However, I didn’t contend how hard it would be to get the slime off the table after each use. After having a major cleaning session to get the slime off the table for two days, I finally admitted okay; I had made a mistake.

    But I couldn’t take it back. I couldn’t take it away from my baby boy. So, I had to come up with an alternative. No reaction would change the choice made or the consequences that followed. To progress, I had no choice but to learn from my mistake and find something that worked now. Otherwise, I would be locked in a loop of useless emotion. The consequence would continue until I learned. 

    I found a tray for him to play with the slime on, and I’m happy. He still gets to play with his slime. I have less of a mess to contend with. 

    After action Review

    Some may say that should have been the first thought. Perhaps but it wasn’t. I acted before thinking about it. I make mistakes, and no apologies need to be made for being human. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me. I admit I’m imperfect.

    “One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist…..Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist”
    ― Stephen Hawking

    I also know that making mistakes is a part of life. And I’m learning how to learn. I’m learning to make better decisions.

    So as for the slime, now I know what not to do again. Will that information be helpful to me in the future? Perhaps it will, or maybe it will not? Or maybe it’s something I learned to pass on to someone else. Whatever the reason doesn’t matter. What matter is that I grew from that experience. 

    I hope you will learn that there is no shame in making mistakes. The important thing is that when you make a mistake, you grow from them no matter how small they may be.

  • Selfless and Selfish: The Nitty Gritty

    May 11th, 2022

    Self-lessness considered a badge of honor.

    The person who puts others before themselves is often seen as a paragon of service. In fact, some of history’s greatest heroes are esteemed for their selflessness or perceived selfless acts.

    Selfishness is spurned. 

    Selfless or Selfish

    When one thinks of selfish individuals, they think of the ugliness of character or sacrifice of others.

    However, we don’t get to see underneath the skin. So, it’s impossible to see intent with human eyes. And that often leads to misjudgment or misconceptions.

    And sadly, it will shock many to know that some of those held as paragons of selflessness weren’t selfless. 

    But to uncover truth, one must look beyond the surface. 

    Uprooting What One Knows of Selfishness

    The truth is putting oneself first is a good thing. In fact, it is essential.

    Someone once defined the purpose of self-care as thus. 

    You can’t pour from an empty cup. 

    No matter how much you desire to give, you simply can’t give what you don’t have. A bankrupt bank can’t bankroll anyone. And that is why pouring into yourself or choosing things or people that pour into you is essential. 

    Image by Bruno Henrique from Pixabay

    Be it material or immaterial, you can give something from nothing.

    The flipped of selflessness.

    For those who have ascertained to pour into others, it’s a beautiful thing and is commendable in its purest form.

    But one must face the fact that some selflessness often stems from selfishness.

    Some acts as selfless as they may seem are devoid of any emotion, making them selfish to the core.

    Determining Authenticity of Selflessness

    Authentic selflessness comes from a pure place; it is untarnished and unblemished. 

    So, those who aspire to be genuinely selfless must consider the place it stems from.

    Admittedly sometimes it is hard to discern. Habit and Duty are the biggest blinders to true intent.

    Honestly, habit and Duty are big taskmasters. They hop in the drivers seat and drive individuals not the other way around.

    So acting from either is not an indicator of the purity of benevolence.

    In fact, it may prove the opposite. 

    So, Let’s Examine

    • If your cup is full and you pour from it out of habit, actions are automated and robotic. There is likely to be very little passion behind giving. Because, in this case giving is just something that one does because they have done it so many times before. So, it is a soulless expression.
    Image by АвгустФидлер from Pixabay
    • If your cup is full and you give out of duty, it is not necessarily heart-driven but more so oath-driven. There is nothing wrong with doing something out of obligation. Remember, the person on the other end gets blessed regardless. However, there is an extra gift to the giver who gives out the freedom of the heart’s expression. That is the kind of giving that overflows.

    An extreme word of caution to those who give out of expectation.

    Your cup will never truly be refilled.

    True giving is pouring out without expecting a return; otherwise, you are merely loaning and not giving. 

    “Expectations were [are] like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.”
    ― Brandon Sanderson,

    Cracked vessels are incapable of holding more, they lose what they have. Everything that is poured in leaks out.

    Final Heart Check: Are your Actions Selfless or Selfish?

    Nine times out of ten, if your giving leaves you with a bitter taste, it’s time to do a heart check. Selflessness should never lead to resentment. And if it does, it’s more than likely not selflessness.

    For those who seek to live a life of such, selflessness is as noble a goal. And it can be done. However, one vital thing to remember is we are constantly striving to actualize what we want to be. In striving, we are working to arrive. 

    Some days we will hit the mark, and other days we will miss it. That’s the beauty and curse of life and humanity. Life is cyclical, and we are human. 

    Thus, no one can be selfless all the time. This isn’t possible in a mortal body.

    But it is nice to know our striving is never totally in vain. And if one is willing to learn and evolve, one can achieve their heart’s desires including being self-less no matter how spread apart the authentic encounters to do so.

    That’s refreshing

  • The Reflection of the Lotus

    May 9th, 2022

    Sometimes it is hard to recognize the beauty in life.

    For some of us, the losses seem to outnumber the wins. The challenges come a lot more frequently than the victories. For a few of us, we have been knocked to the mat so many times we are afraid to get back up. I know that’s been me.

    I Keep On Trying

    We are putting in the work, but we remain mired. And we get tired, listless, and unable to understand or trust the process.

    I promise you if you keep on trying and believing, one day you will see the reflection of the Lotus.

    The Lotus

    The Lotus flower is a representation of strength and durability. According to geological studies, it’s been around for ages. As is noted,

    “Their existence stretches back some 145.5 million years. The Lotus Flower even survived the ice age.”

    Adaptable

    The Lotus flower is not only durable but adaptable. The Lotus has been discovered in the most extreme climates, unfazed by its habitat.

    “It grows naturally from Russia to Australia, China to Iran. And they can survive under the ice as long as their roots remain in water or mud. On the other extreme, they can tolerate scorching sun and often bloom when others can’t tolerate the heat.

    Indomitable

    Photo by Alexey Demidov: https://www.pexels.com/photo/lotus-flower-in-dirty-water-11705360/

    Although Lotus flowers are not immortal, they are indomitable. Even though the water may come and submerge them, they are never eradicated.

    “The catastrophic flooding of the Yangtze River in 1954 killed all the lotuses in the area. Three years later, the water had finally receded. Once normal water levels returned, the flowers began to grow again in the shallow part of the lake.”

    Beautiful But Not Frail

    Despite their frail appearance, they are a force of nature, and they are beyond beautiful.

    My Story

    Despite how many times I have heard we have to look at our losses as lessons, it hasn’t always been easy. And I count the countless times I have been told all things are working together for my good, although I had little understanding of how. They are innumerable. And admittedly, it has taken half of my life to see the Lotus flower in my reflection. But day by day, I’m beginning to see it emerge.

    I am beginning to see how I and the Lotus flower are akin.

    In a revelation, through conversation a week ago, I began to understand how all things have been working together for my good all along. I can’t say I am at the point where I am unfazed by the rejections or losses. And I may never be. But I’m a whole lot closer than I was. By the time this journey is over, I will be a whole lot further than I am. That is why I’m thankful for the process.

    My Petals Are Showing

    Photo by Couleur: https://www.pexels.com/photo/selective-focus-photography-of-red-waterlily-flower-in-bloom-2302908/

    At my point of revelation, I discovered

    “The lotus represents the idea that the mud and muck of life’s challenges can provide fertile ground for our development.” (Shetty 122)

    And now, my petals are emerging above the mud and muck. One day, I know I will proudly stand solid and majestic well above it one day. This inspires me to keep going. I’m inspired to keep learning, keep trying, and keep developing.

    A Word to My Fellow Lotus Flowers

    Photo by Quang Nguyen Vinh: https://www.pexels.com/photo/pink-lotus-flowers-2171292/

    I know you may not now see it. I hope you will open your heart and mind to understanding as it comes. My further hope is that you will continue to strive and grow wherever you are planted. One day you will also see in yourself the reflection of the Lotus flower, and it will inspire you to grow to your fullest potential

  • Wishing to Fulfillment: A Discourse

    May 5th, 2022

    I once thought if only I had a few wishes, then I would have everything I needed. And subsequently, I would be happy and content.

    Yet, I never thought to question why that would be the case­­­ ­.

    • How long would I be happy even if I obtained it?
    • Would receiving something I wished for make me happy?

    Fundamentally, I merely bought into the programming.

    Maybe you have as well.

    But wait, that isn’t an unusual thing.

    See, we are the programmed.

    We are programmed to Wish

    Disney’s showcase song is built on the premise of the marriage of wishes and fulfillment.

    Photo by David Kopacz: https://www.pexels.com/photo/purple-and-blue-abstract-painting-4995043/

    When you wish upon a star

    Makes no difference who you are

    When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true.

    And respectively, many of us grew up believing in that type of magic. We wanted and hoped to live in a world with fairy godmothers, princes, and genies. Who didn’t want to live in a world where dreams came true by desiring them?

    And this thinking becomes so much a part of us we hardly recognize the creep into our vernacular.

    Who can say they have not at some point uttered?

    • ” I wish I could do that!”
    • “If only that would happen to me!”
    • “If only that were me!”
    • “What If I had that opportunity”

    The Reality of Wishing

    However, there are no genies, princes in waiting, or fairy godmothers.

    And wishes never lead to a life of fulfillment.

    Wishing leaves us empty.

    Why?

    Primarily a wish can never be fulfilled.

    What is a wish in actuality?

    In earnest, wishes are what we desire but hope to get effortlessly.

    “I wish is code for I don’t want to do anything differently (Shetty 78)

    And the very thought that something can be obtained without motion is ludicrous.

    Truthfully, to get something, you must put yourself in the field of motion to obtain it.

    So, our mental offers pushback

    How Mentality Comes into Play

    We are structured to use our senses. That sensory input is translated through a lens of understanding to which we give our observations meaning.

    It is not hard to look at something externally without understanding the complexities involved in shaping that person or thing and making a judgment.

    Some people make things look super easy. They make it look as if they wished for it, and it appears.

    And, when we see someone with the output we want; the money, cars, accolades, position, recognition, and awards, we make up a story based on our perceptions of what we see on their highlight reel.

    And we amp ourselves up to believe that we want that and we are capable of doing the same things to get it.

    But few consider if they have the resolve to obtain or keep it.

    The Great Illusion

    In truth, most don’t want to do what it takes to get that thing they wish for.

    They only want the result.

    The underlying desire is to wish oneself to fulfillment.

    We all have dreams and wishes. The difference is that dreams are there for you to do something with – they are a component of hope; without a dream, there is no hope. A wish, however, is simply a desire to have something without doing anything to accomplish it.” Catherine Pulsifer

    Truth Hurts

    If we truly wanted what another has, we would have to accept all that went into crafting that.

    That would mean being able to live and deal with the same experiences, good and bad, that shaped the individual into becoming the progenitor, creator, or performer we see.

    The question becomes could we withstand the work it would take.

    And if we are truthful, we know the answer.

    That’s why many will never obtain it. Because If it were bestowed upon one’s person without the work to get it, the outcome would be destructive.

    You can’t handle what you are not prepared for.

    So be careful what you wish for, without the desire to work for

    A Story for Your Consideration

    Image by Andrew Martin from Pixabay

    There is a story that Shetty relays in his book Think Like A Monk.

    In his book he recounts a little account of Picasso.

    Picasso meets this woman who is obviously enamored with his talent. And so, she requests that he paint a portrait of her, which he does. And it is a remarkable piece. However, it only takes seconds to draw. Then, upon completing the commissioned work, he turns to the lady to give his price.

    The lady is shocked by his fee. Picasso charges $30,000 for a 30-second portrait.

    She is stunned. She is bewildered, wondering why so much. When Picasso told her, “Madam, it did not take 30 seconds; it took thirty years.

    The Point

    The woman saw the work, and she desired the output without considering everything that went into rendering that. Her desire was to merely get the output for little or nothing in return. She hadn’t considered what went into creating that work of art.

    The ease with which Picasso drew the portrait resulted from 30 years of practice of concentrated effort. The only way he could produce such work in such a short period is due to his investment. Had she known that either she would not have asked for the portrait, or she would not have been shocked by the price tag.

    The truth behind the story

    • We rarely see beyond what we can see.
    • Looking at outcomes alone lead to vain musings for the same.
    • We assume that because someone else makes it look easy, we could produce the same result.

    None of that is true. It never has been, and it never will be.

    A Final Word on Wishing

    So, the next time you think to wish upon a star, understand that wishes will not get you what you want. And even if you could wish for something and obtain it, the very fact that there was no input involved in getting it should give you pause. Then, how could you maintain it?

    Remember, all things need maintenance.

    That is something to think about.

  • Completing the Circle of Inquiry: The Question Who

    May 2nd, 2022

    So, we have cycled through the list of questions often posed on the journey to success. We asked What/If, what, why, when, how, and where. But, there is one more question of inquiry to explore, and that is the question of Who?

    The Question of Who

    Each question has its place. However, of all the questions, the question that answers the inquiry who is the most personal.

    Along life’s course, you will discover that none of the other questions matter if you cannot answer the question of who.

    A Question of Identity

    Who is an inquiry of identity?

    Your identity is the core of everything. And discovery will reveal, every other question stems from this one.

    Who am I?

    Photo by Eva Elijas: https://www.pexels.com/photo/text-cutouts-on-a-dotted-background-5941331/

    Why is identity so important?

    You will always be at the center.

    Everything you hope for finds its root within you.

    Because you are the dreamer.

    You are the driver.

    And as much as you want to be fulfilled in life, you can never find true fulfillment until you discover who you are

    Until then, everything else is merely pretense.

    The Sad fact

    Many people find they ask the right questions but in the wrong sequence or at the wrong time. You can’t know your purpose (why) if you don’t know who you are. And you will never pinpoint what you want to do until you know your authentic identity?

    If you don’t know who you truly are, you’ll never know what you really want.”
    ― Roy T. Bennett

    So, In such cases, where to start and when will it happen are pretty useless. That is why finding one’s identity is so important.

    The curse of living someone else’s dream

    There is nothing more draining than living someone else’s dream or trying to fulfill someone else’s vision. There is just not enough energy in the world to sustain that.

    Attempting to live up to someone else’s expectation Is impossible. You will never meet someone’s expectation of who you should be. That only leads to sadness and regret.

    That’s why they say inauthenticity never breeds contentment.

    Word of Encouragement

    So, I encourage you to find out who you are?

    • Who are you, apart from your friends and family?
    • Who are you when you’re not being observed?
    • Who are you when you can be free?
    • Who are you when there is no one to impress, and it’s you undressed?

    Who are you?

    What to do on the path of discovery

    Then spend some time with that person.

    • Find out what you love?
    • What could you get lost in?
    • What makes you feel whole?
    • What could you do with abandon?

    Let that drive you.

    There is no more fulfilling feeling than being free in who you are and free to do what you love.

    “Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free.”
    ― Eckhart Tolle

    And I promise you that when identity, passion, and purpose meet, you will have everything you need.

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