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  • Civility and manners

    June 27th, 2015

    Image result for image quotes on the importance of civility

    Let’s begin with a story

    Lewis Caroll once penned a story of a little girl lost.

    Her name was Alice.

    Alice was of an inquisitive and  curious nature.

    It was Alice’s curiosity  that drew her down the rabbit hole.

    Her descent was a long one.

    once fallen she could not slow her descent.

    When she hit bottom she was disoriented and confused.

    She had exchanged one world for another, one of confusion.

    Once there she tried desperately to  do anything to find her way back.

    There  there was no way in going back the way she came.

    Alice’s trip down the rabbit hole is symbolic.

    It is symbolic of chaotic dissolution, and unraveling; wildly symbolic of what what has occurred within this current society.

    Our actions have become our undoing.

    Give it to me straight without a chaser

    There are some things in life, in which removal equates to regression.

    There is a  point wherein adaptation does not move you forward but rather moves you backward.

    Two things in particular have aided in the regression of our persons.

    Due to the rejection of said values, and adaptations of new and shifting paradigms,  the whole is experiencing a pattern of retrograde.

    Those two things being, discontinuance of civility and manners

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    Thus, the whole has become brutish in nature

    There is but one thing that separates men from brute beast.

    That is the ability to rule over emotions and instinctual drive.

    The ability to control  and exchange such unfettered passions and proclivities for civil conduct and manners.

    Image result for image quotes on what  defines a barbarian

    However such control and virtue stems from a conscience knowledge of one’s place in the world relative to others.

    A clear understanding that there is no line delineating the statehood of one person from another.

    At and above all, higher reasoning permits him or her to act in a manner that is conducive to sustaining life and brotherhood.

    For, another individual is merely an extension of self, and to aide another is to aide one’s self.

    Thus, this higher reasoning drives one to be civil and mannerable even when there is an option to act counter.

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    Yet, civility and manners seem to be in short supply.

    The rudimentary actions, which have sustained and lent much in the path of achievement and growth are being neglected more and more

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    Many find it unnecessary to be manner-able or civil in their deportment’s.

    The more rude and caustic the better.

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    Image result for image quotes on the importance of manners

    Consequently, the most caustic substances in the world, such as lye, never built anything but are rather substances of destruction.

    Why would a progressive people, with goals of building adopt a more caustic approach.

    Would they not be undertaking the counter, destruction?

    Uncivil behavior is a telltale sing of uncivil people, barbaric in nature.

    Such behaviorism is reminiscent of the dark ages.

    This is a sign of retrograded movement.

    Retrograded movement as defined by Merriam Webster is, ” Returning to an earlier and usually worse state or condition.”

    Remember the axiom, “together we stand divided we fall”.

    This is a significant truth.

    A society that stands divided is vulnerable.

    Diversionary and division is an essential tactical strategy of any enemy unit.

    To cause division is to weaken, so that it easier to infiltrate.

    Image result for image quotes on what is a society

    Are we really a society?

    A society is a group of people working together for a common cause.

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    A society sets out to  achieve as a whole.

    In a society good manners and civility are paradigms of utmost importance.

    Good manners and civility sustain human relationships and camaraderie needed to unify (work together).

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    We have long moved from this.

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    A Reiteration of the question

    Are we a society?

    Although considered a society in form we have become tribalistic.

    This cannot do, this is unsuitable and inhospitable.

    A society of tribes will never succeed as a whole.

    The only thing that can restore the whole is a re-commitment to those behaviors which bring about unity as opposed to division.

    Two such important being civility and manners.

  • Leadership

    June 24th, 2015

    Image result for image quote on leadership

    It has been purported for years that leadership is somehow linked to one’s genetic disposition.

    It was widely ascertained that certain innate gifts, manifesting early on, lean certain people towards the bent of leadership.

    According the National Center for Biotechnology Information”It is important to note that the relationship between traits and leadership may be complex, at least more complex than assumed in previous studies”.

    Image result for image quote on innate gifts

    However, based on such exclusionary rationalism’s certain individuals were sought out and groomed for positions that would foster growth in these areas.

    Others were scoffed at and rebuffed, and seen as inauthentic in their pursuits.

    They simply did not have the right stuff.

    This drove countless to believe that they were not leaders.

    What were some of the core attributes?

    It was believed that charm or charisma, a mind for strategy, an  authoritative manner, and extroverted traits, were all attributes that would lend one to be a promising and effective leader.

    Others who did not fit the mold, though possessing initiative and ability to become even greater than their counterparts, deferred responsibility on many levels and refused positions of leadership at the bequest of others. The rationale  being , “I don’t have what it takes to be a leader.”

    This line of thinking underscored the belief that position and authority belonged solely to the charismatic individual of outgoing personality.

    Thus, those most charismatic individuals were given authority through position.

    It was hoped that genuine leadership would follow

    Position does not denote authority or leadership.

    Image result for image quotes on leadership

    Although many found themselves in the position, they could not adequately inspire long-term sustainable action, or rather they inspired action in the wrong direction.

    Charisma and charm were poor measures of leadership.

    What is charisma

    Charisma is a natural charm that not all are born with.

    Those who have this unique gift seem to easily draw a following.

    Thus, logically one could conclude that such is key to roles of leadership.

    As, of course, a leader is not leading unless someone is following.

    However, this assumption was dead wrong.

    As it turned out leadership required a set of skills with greater depth than charm.

    While charisma inspired follower-ship it does not indicate true leadership.

    Leading is not merely about obtaining follower-ship, it is about the purposed guidance of people or causes from one stage of growth to another, facilitating forward movement.

    Charm may get people to follow, but not necessarily inspire committed action.

    Coincidentally, charm and charisma did not equate to intelligence.

    Additionally, charm and charisma did not equate to long-term success in leadership.

    The two were mutually independent factors and not synonymous.

    Often when it was time to work, the flash and dash meant  nothing.

    furthermore such theoretical views failed to offer explanation for  poor leaders, given the same common attributes.

    If this set of traits were indicative of success in positions of leadership then, what would be the rational basis for failure given the same identifiable traits.

    Not only were they fundamentally incorrect about charm but also about extraversion.

    To think that the power of the quiet reasoning and rationalization of the introvert was so often discounted although it well-balanced the impetuousness and out outspokenness of the extrovert.

    Turns out that introverts were as wildly successful as their counterparts if not more so.

    There were more than a couple of introverts who were wildly successful.

    Just a few influential people labeled introverts but outrageously effective in leadership

    • Abraham Lincoln

    • Bill Gates

    • Eleanor Roosevelt

    • Albert Einstein

    • Mahatma Gandhi

    • Warren Buffet

    • Rosa Parks

    Reasonably charm, extraversion, and authority were not pure measures of effective leaders.

    Thus, it is well-reasoned, although people may be born with attributes often found in possession of those who assume leadership positions, there is no true correlation between possession of these traits by birth and success.

    “We postulate that ascription allows a leader to emerge but it does not determine whether a particular leader becomes effective – instead, skills (and the traits determining them) explain leadership effectiveness. The relationship between traits and leadership emergence can suffer from false negatives…”(National Center for Biotechnology Information)

    True, effective leaders are made.

    Image result for image quotes on leadership

    Those who have a bent toward these attributes, such must be honed.

    Possessing certain attributes does not make  you a leader any more than as some one once stated, “standing in a garage makes you a car.”

    Those who do not possess skill sets necessary for leadership must develop and hone them as well.

    There is no dividing line that cannot be crossed.

    Anyone can become a leader they simple must have the will.

    Attributes of effective leadership

    Scholarship

    Effective leaders prize  scholarship for themselves and others.

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    They make an  investment in  advancing their education, or learning potential and expect no less from others.

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    They are constantly expanding their knowledge not by force but by desire. They don’t do it because they have to but because they want to.

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    Strength

    Effective leaders possess strength, not of brawn but of mind, heart, and of spirit.

    Effective leaders have fortitude.

    They continue in the face of adversity.

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    They represent a spirit of perseverance.

    They are emotionally and mentally strong, and  they understand that  challenge and difficulty  comes along with leadership.

    Some days they will have to stand alone but still they must stand strong.

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    Awareness

    They are well-informed of what is going on.

    They are attuned to their environment.

    They keep their ear to the ground.

    They keep their fingers on the pulse.

    Courage

    Effective leaders are courageous.

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    They are not afraid to be taught.

    They are not afraid of not knowing.

    They are not afraid to take a calculated risk.

    It is not that do not fear, but rather they have become conquerors because they understand that conquering fear is not an option it is a necessity. They are bold and yet meek.

    Mentors

    Good leaders champion mentor-ship

    Effective leaders are mentors.

    Servant hearts

    Outstanding leaders possess a spirit of servitude

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    Leadership is solely about progression of a whole towards an envisioned state, not of the one.

    They  serve more than their own needs.

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    No one needs to be led in circles.

    Presence

    Authentic leaders are present.

    They actively listen.

    They give of their time.

    They are available.

    Leadership is not easy.

    Leadership is necessary.

    It is the natural progression of things that one grow from follower to leader.

    Most people at some point in their lives will be leaders although never assuming a formal position of authority.

    At some point someone will defer to your knowledge, wisdom, or guidance for their growth and development.

    It is not always something asked for.

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    Those who have grown into maturity understand that this is the way of life and accept the mantle.

    While others, refuse it and as a result led many down wayward paths of regression.

    It is necessary that all work to develop these attributes.

    National Center for Biotechnology Information. (2013). Born to Lead? A Twin Design and Genetic Association Study of         Leadership Role Occupancy. Web. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3583370/

  • Show up

    June 20th, 2015

    Can you imagine losing a race before you start.

    Can you imagine, right before stepping out of the locker room to take your place on the football field that the game is called.

    Can you imagine twisting the door to enter the lecture hall of your very first day of college and being told, ” no need, you have already failed.”

    These examples are a bit extreme. However, they draw interesting parallels to what is occurring in the lives of so many.

    Yet, many don’t even know it.

    They don’t know that they are defeated before they even start.

    The causative factor; themselves.

    Most battles are lost, or victories won before anyone ever steps foot on the battlefield.

    The reason for  most of these failures; people fail to show up.

    Yes, they are present in form but that is it.

    “Most people show up for work being physically accoutered but mentally disheveled.” – Eric Butterworth

    They leave their oomph at home.

    They check their positivism at the door.

    They underachieve because they are not fully there.

    Image result for image quotes on showing up

    “The world is is run by those who show up.”

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    Show up!

    No matter how you feel, show up.

    No  matter what things stood in  your way prior to getting  you to your destination, show up.

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    Nothing will ever be achieved unless you show up.

    You must not merely show up in form, but you have to bring everything  you got with you.

    “Nothing will work unless you do.”

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    You have to arrive planning to give your 100%.

    If you expect to bring less you will always deliver less.

    Success is largely pre-determined.

    You pre-determine what you are going to contribute to achieving your goal before you step one foot in the door or take one move forward.

    Thus, you determine your outcome before you even start.

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    For the most part, if you come planning to only give 99% you will never make 100%.

    You can never partially achieve anything.

    Either you will achieve or you will not.

    As one song writer penned “99 and 1/2 will not do.”

    This sounds like one huge contrast.

    On the one hand,  it is said just show up.

    On the other, do more than just show up.  Be fully present.

    Showing up is only part of the equation for success, you have to do so much more when you get there.

    But first you have to get there.

    You must be present, in order that your in the place to  receive the gifts  you want manifested.

    Then you  must work to grab a hold of them.

  • Recovery time

    June 18th, 2015

    Image result for image quotes life is messy

    Let’s face it life can be messy.

    It can seem as if the downs outweigh the up’s.

    There is no let up.

    Running into obstacle after obstacle can slow your life down to a mind numbing crawl.

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    A Lesson from the ring

    Taking punches to the mental, physical, or spiritual frame can lend to devastating falls.

    It can be humiliating and depressing.

    It hurts.

    Image result for image quotes on the boxing ring

    Never let that  keep you on the floor.

    You may be knocked down right now but, it doesn’t mean you have to stay down

    The title fight is not over just because you are knocked down

    You have to the count of ten to get back on your feet

    Image result for image quotes on getting back up after being knocked down

    Putting it into perspective

    Falling is no reason to bear a constant cross of shame

    It is not the falling  that will do you in, we all fall

    Never let anyone tell you any different

    Its just we are not privy to the lives of others

    in truth,

    Some fall more than others

    Then life is not always fair

    However, it is equal in the sense that

    all humans are fallible

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    It is not falling that will cost you

    it is wallowing,

    It is refusing not to get back up that will do you in every time.

    Never stay down!

    How can you win after a fall?

    The key is quick recovery.

    You have to get back on your feet  as soon as you can

    You have to learn how to make quick recoveries

    This is true.

    Recovery can be very hard because there are so many unknowns, and so many fears that follow hurt and injury.

    But of an even greater truth is this, the longer you stay down the harder it becomes to get back up, let alone win.

    For, the longer you stay down, the more time you will spend convincing yourself that there is where you belong.

    What is recovery time

    Image result for image quotes on the need for recovery

    Recovery time is the recommended time your body must rest so that you heal after injury or illness.

    After an injury of any kind your body and mind will not perform at optimal levels.

    Furthermore, directly after injury , you have a greater probability of re-injury or causing greater damage.

    This is why physicians typically proscribe rest after illness, injury,  or traumatic events.

    However, one must not rest too long.

    • The longer it takes to heal, the longer it takes to regain your momentum.
    • Fighting the urge to stay down, becomes harder and harder as you adapt to where  you are.

    Sometimes, knowing what other obstacles you might face after an injury,  a fall, loss, or failure can be daunting.

    It is a barrier you must break through.

    To break through that barrier you have to get your mind right.

    Mental fitness

    Image result for image quotes on mental fitness

    Mental fitness is essential to quick recovery.

    • Learning to control your mind, you learn to control your thinking.
    • Being able to control your thinking patterns will provide you with the fuel you need to  withstand bruised ego’s, emotional scars, and phantom pains.

    Ultimately, you control your physical and emotional response.

    Remember, life does not get easier.

    You have to learn how to successfully navigate through the messy parts

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    What is one method of improving mental fitness

    Fine tune your focus

    Image result for image quotes on speeding up recovery after a knock down

    What you focus on either drives  you forward or consumes you

    Nothing is more devastating to recovery than re-living trauma through mental recall.

    What you manifest in your mind has tremendous bearing on your actions

    If in your mind you are constantly calling forth pain and negativity

    Such will return to you.

    What you put out into the world comes back to you

    Conjuring up images of a past injury, hurt, or pain will leave you constantly moving between states of anger, frustration, and pain.

    The  cycle of negativity and pain will continue to fester, It will keep you soldered to the place where you fell, although the injury is past

    Image result for image quotes the cycle of negativity

    This is not saying to forget your traumas.

    It is saying not to overtly focus on that which you no longer have control over.

    Image result for image quotes what you put in the world comes back

    Your mind is the thermostat for your external environment.

    You can never change what has happened but can always control what will from this point

    Clarity of mind is important.

    How do I work on keeping my mind clear post injury?

    The work begins during your periods of robustness.

    One can destroy the pangs of  pain by retraining  your mind to focus on wellness, and healthiness.

    The only thing that can destroy a feeling of lack is gratitude.

    When you focus on what you have, you have less time to focus on what you don’t or what you have lost.

    Thus,  when you focus on your recovery and the potential that lies ahead for even greater things, you have less time to focus on the current state of existence.

    What does that mean exactly

    Work on building gratitude during moments of excellence.

    When you are excelling keep a gratitude journal.

    Image result for image quotes what you put in the world comes back

    1.  As you go throughout your day jot down things that you are grateful for
    2. At the end of the day review your list.
    3. Do this daily.

    Make gratitude your permanent attitude.

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    Disclaimer: This will only work if you believe it will.

    Belief is the seed of action.

    • Faith is the energizing force that drives perseverance and constant action in a given direction.
    • Action is what brings about results.
    • If you don’t believe, you will not establish a level of commitment necessary to achieve at anything.

    Image result for image quotes the longer you stay down the harder it is to get back up

    Never put your effort behind something you do not believe in or have faith regarding the outcome. The end result will always be dissatisfaction and  un-fulfillment. You sow seeds of doubt you reap consternation.

    For others, if you commit to this you will see change no matter how gradual.

    How will a gratitude journal help establish mental clarity during recovery time?

    1. Constant immersion builds recognition and recall, until it becomes  as second nature.
    2. Consistent focus on gratitude will strengthen your mental resolve and your ability to deal with negativity on a more rational basis,  and diminishing your emotional response to reasonable level during times of crisis.

    When the tumult gets a bit high and  you run into obstacles or injury, you can

    Image result for Image quotes on the importance of recovery

    take minutes of meditation throughout the day.

    In those minutes, when you are recovering from the blow,  you  will dig out your journal and pour over all of those things you are grateful for.

    Crowd out all of the negative thoughts running through your mind.

    If away from your journal activate your memory.

    Gratitude lessens the sting and hurt of the impact that comes along with injury.

    It will not rid  you completely of the pain but it will lessen it.

    Image result for image quotes the power of gratitude

    • It will help you look at things on a bigger scale.
    • It will give you  perspective on what is really important.
    • It will help  you to see sunshine through the rain, and focus on the rainbow after the storm rather than the tumult that preceded it.

    You will be able to smile and know that you may be bent but not broken.

    You can get up a go back out there.

    It will take time.

    The first time it may take you a little longer to get back up.

    Each subsequent time thereafter is should take less and less time.

    Image result for image quotes on the messiness of life

  • No one likes a Know it all

    June 15th, 2015

    The worst thing you can be in a world where knowledge is invaluable economic capital, is to be a know it all.

    This is a neutralizing factor and on all accounts destroys many opportunities at success.

    Image result for image quotes on being a know it all

    How to recognize a Know-It-All

    Such behaviors of staunch rigidity ruin relationships both business and personal.

    People only invest when there is an exchange.

    The exchange must be equally beneficial.

    Remember there is something to learn from everyone and something everyone can learn from you

    Image result for image quotes on being a know it all

    The key to continued success is expansion of one’s knowledge.

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    This indicates that the worst thing a person can be is, “unteachable”.

    We have never and never will possess thorough knowledge of everything.

    Knowledge is inexhaustible.

    As opined by J. Robert Oppenheimer, ” No man should escape our universities without knowing how little he knows.“ 

    To assume a position of untouchable intellectual prowess is foolhardy at best.

    Every time one disavows the absorption of new knowledge on the basis of what is already known, one automatically misses out on an opportunity.

    This is the principle of opportunity cost at work. Opportunity cost is the expense of a foregone opportunity.

    The wisest person realizes that the only thing  that they know of with  certainty is that they really don’t know anything.

    Image result for image quotes on being a know it all

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