James Allen wrote his most memorable work, As a Man Thinketh, in 1902. In 1952 Norman Vincent Peele wrote the Power of Positive Thinking. Over 120 years later, since Allen’s book, thousands of books have been written on framing one’s mindset to look at the glass half-full and for a good reason.

The Importance of Positive Thinking: Looking at the Glass Half Full

When you focus on the positive, there is less room for negativity. It’s a universal understanding that light and darkness cannot simultaneously occupy the same space. Light drives out darkness; conversely, darkness is the absence of light. Thus, if one truly desires to live a more satisfying existence of light and love, they must focus on that which emits light and love, that which is pleasing, enjoyable, and lovely.

Balance is Everything: On the Verge of Idealism

However, everything requires Balance.

Some may ask if being over-positive is a thing. This may be difficult for some to understand, but positive thinking in the form of idealism can have negative implications. \

What is idealism?

As defined in the dictionary, Idealism is,

“the tendency to represent things in an ideal form, or as they might or should be rather than as they are.”

And there is a particular pain that comes with this thinking, as idealism will frequently lead to disappointment.

Why?

We don’t live in an idealistic reality. We are flawed people living in an imperfect world. Extreme ideations of others can lead to unmet expectations.

As Edith Eger notes in her book “The Gift: 14 Lessons to Save Your Life,”

Life is not always fair or good and isn’t always easy. So it does nothing to think it will be otherwise, especially because one subscribes to seeing the glass half full.

So What is One to Do?

This does not mean one should not surround themselves with positive things. This does not mean that one shouldn’t center their thoughts on positive things. An individual should always choose hope. However, one must also understand that life happens to us all. Thinking positively does not negate what things we may go through.

On the contrary, thinking positively helps us get through those things. Moreover, thinking positive helps us maintain an attitude that will draw more positivity into our lives. But to reap the benefits of such focus, one must appropriately manage expectations.

What Does Managing Expectations Have to Do with Idealism?

The most immense pain that comes with idealism is drawing characterizations of others in our minds with our ideations. It becomes challenging to deal with when the people in our lives fail to live up to those ideals. Either we lose trust in those people or in people in general. We are cut by the fragments of the image of who we want them or wish them to be fall. That is why It is imperative to manage expectations, especially when dealing with others or seeking to maintain relationships.

Admittedly the actual problem does not lie with them but within us. It lies in our need or penchant to place our expectations (ideals) on others.

A Personal Truth

I can’t divulge how many times I have been bitten by this. For years I have tried to understand why people were the way they were. I can’t count how often I have been hurt, burned, or let down by family and so-called friends. But the thing is, I never saw a problem within myself.

I never took time to look at the expectations I held for others. And given the position I gave them in my mind, I expected them to live up to the standards I had assigned for those given roles. I expected them to fulfill my definition of friendship. I felt as if they should live up to my definition of what love meant. I not only expected but required them to fulfill their role as I defined those roles. When they failed because authentically, they were incapable of meeting my ideal, I felt hurt.

I never acknowledged that I didn’t see those people as they were. I didn’t take into consideration their definition of love or friendship. I didn’t consider they did the best they could to live up to their definition of a friend, sister, mother, or significant other. I was simply being unfair to expect them to carry out my ideals. So, my idealism prevented me for years from forming lasting relationships. It stopped me for years from being able to forgive or move on. My thinking enslaved me.

Word to You

I say all of that to say think positive. Embrace positivity and seek out positive situations and people. But also seek Balance. No, that when it rains, it rains on everyone; no one is immune. Undergoing a storm doesn’t mean you should stop looking for sunnier destinations.

Don’t mistake idealism for positivity. Seek balance in your expectations, and you will feel liberation. Accept people as they are and always lean to the side of thinking that people are authentically trying even if their definition of trying doesn’t meet our own.

Is it always easy to do this no? Is it worth working on it? It is always worth it. Above all, remember you are never alone in your growth process. We are going through this thing called life together.