We all have a vision of how we see the world.

 

That vision is a carefully crafted ideal that we have been taught to develop. It is our image of a perfect life lived by our perfect selves, and it becomes our mission, whether advertently or inadvertently, to reach that standard.  While for some that carefully crafted vision is a stepping stone to achievement for other it is a weighted anchor.

Failure to measure up, obtain, or simply missing our ideal fosters feelings of dejection or unworthiness,  casting constant shadows.  Despite what many tell themselves, living in the shadow of un-fulfillment binds.  The stigma that is associated with not measuring up fetters the spirit.

This piece is especially for those who struggle with feelings of incompleteness or un-fulfillment.

This is for those stuck in an in-between state with feelings of failure or inferiority.

 You don’t have to stay there, you can be free. 

 Lessons on dreaming and achieving are commonplace, as this has been drilled into most from childhood up. I’m sure it easy to recall such questions as;

• What do you want to be when you grow up?
• Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years?
•  What is your ideal body shape, career, companion,  or life?

I’m sure it is equally easy to recall the pressure that came along with crafting an answer. Perhaps you can recall being driven by the fear of condemnation powered by your uncertainty. Those monumental questions served as the first blueprints for a mastered and successful life and directed your choices and decisions from that point forward.

Essentially, there was nothing wrong with these questions or the premise that these questions were tools that taught us steps to achievement. As Robert Browning once said, “Ah, a man’s reach should exceed his grasp…”, meaning we cannot hope to achieve that beyond which we reach for. However, the instruction was one-sided. One of the most elemental lessons went untaught; living life in the in-between.

Life in the In-between

Life in the in-between is a life filled with dreams and ideals not fully realized, a state where one is always in the process of reaching but not yet achieving. Unfortunately, many of us live life at this stage, but yet have never been taught how to fully live at this stage or how to answer such questions as;

• What if I fail to achieve that which I dreamt?
• What if I never reach my ideal body shape or meet my ideal companion?
• What if I am not the measure of the man or woman I once desired to be?

How does one survive a life of almosts and in-between’s?

The world is full of inconsistencies and inequities. Life is complicated, and we are flawed beings living a flawed existence.   It is quite difficult to measure up to an imperfect standard in an imperfect world.  Quite naturally many will not fulfill ideals set.

I believe such sentiment drove Langston Hughes, famed author of  poem Harlem,  to once pose the question, “What becomes of dreams deferred?”

Assuredly not all dreams, “sugar over like a syrupy sweet,” some, in fact, many, “fester like  sores or stink like rotten meat and a great many sag like heavy loads.”

But that’s okay.

If you are living a life of in-between’s and almost’s, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Let this in no way diminish your life,  value, or ability to live a joyful existence.  Therefore, if you never reach the ideal put forth understand that some things are not meant to be no matter how bad you want or work for them. That does not make you a failure or incompetent. You are not lesser because of this. You must rather learn to live a fulfilled life in spite of this.

Play the cards you are dealt and play them with panache.

 

True masters learn to skillfully play the hand they are dealt and still win. 

This is not a lesson easily accepted. The hardest thing for one to do is to let go of what might have been, should have been, or should be,  and embrace what is. However, true fulfillment comes from recognizing and accepting life as it comes, and failure to do so results in a life of abject unhappiness.

Beauty is and always will be in the possibility. The most joyful moments are crafted in the process of living not in the obtaining. When it gets the toughest say a little prayer for understanding