We invest in what we value.

We give time to what we value.

Thus, what we value grows because we nurture it. It does not matter what it is.

Those things we don’t truly value will never grow because we will never invest the required timed. We will never nurture it enough.

We create our own value hierarchy.

Each individuals hierarchy is different.

Your unique value hierarchy is yours and yours alone no one can create or alter it for you. No matter how much coaching you receive or how much you coach someone else it will not cause any changes to the value structure.

As Manson notes in his book, “… Values cannot be changed through reason only through experience” (Hanson 84).

Thus, no one can make you succeed at anything. Likewise, you cannot blame anyone else for failing to succeed.

This does not mean you should not heed to advisement.

Advisors exist for a reason. Advisors exist to provide a spark that will touch your heart, as it is your heart that is directly connected to what you value. Through guidance perhaps you will be persuaded to make changes to your value hierarchy in order to create meaningful change that leads to an abundantly successful life.

How can you determine your value structure?

One way to determine your value structure is to look at the things you are willing to invest the most in.

Ask yourself this question: What things are you most willing to go to extraordinary lengths to protect or keep? It could be either material or immaterial

It could be ego, pride, image, or reputation.

It could be family, relationship, or position.

The list is inexhaustible. No matter what it is, you will recognize it through your actions.

• It is usually that one thing that you will sacrifice all else for.
• It is the one thing you attend to with immediacy that you must devote the first fruits of your time.
• It is that one thing that when left a choice you prioritize.

That is how you determine your value structure.

It might help to sit down and write out your priorities. Then rank them in order of importance from 1-10. Then you will have a visual representation of those things that are uniquely important to you.

Then check your priorities against your goal, mission, or vision.

If your values align then inevitably success will come.

If your values and your goals don’t align you will never accomplish what you profess to want.

Why?

You are not being honest with yourself.

How do I correct this?

The only way to make a change is to either change what you value or change the goal.

If you want lasting and durable success in anything don’t continue to move the goal post. Ultimately, you have to have a change of heart.

Manson, M. (2019). Everything is #@%!ed a Book about Hope. Harper Collins.

There is a popular book written by the late James Matthew Barrie about a boy who didn’t grow up. In fact, he found other boys who had been neglected or orphaned and took them away to a land where they would never grow up. Ironically this land was called “Neverland.” These boys that Peter took with him were called “the lost boys.” By now I’m sure you are very familiar with the book to which I am referring, “Peter Pan.”

Everyone passes through childhood. For many, it is a magical time and some not so much. But childhood soon passes and we make our way into adulthood, that is physically speaking.

The truth is it takes some of us longer than others to mentally pass into adulthood. We find that although the years have passed and time and experience has impacted our bodies we still have not fully matured to the extent that we should have.

Some of us still struggle to define maturity and what actions indicate that we have indeed reached maturity. As most look at it maturity a byproduct of aging and simply experiencing life over time.

“Pass a certain point maturity has nothing to do with age what matters are a persons intentions the difference between a child, an adolescent, and an adult is not how old they are or what they do but why they do something.  (Manson 147).

Eureka there it is!

It is our rationale that determines our level of maturity.

Our motives behind our action are very telling. And at some point, one has to examine the root of their actions.

Here are a few questions that we should ask ourselves to get to the root of our motivations.

1. Are my motives conditional?
2. Am I doing something just for the sake of doing it?
3. Am I carrying out an action because it is a principle that I have adopted?
4. Are my actions transactional, or am I only doing something to expect something in return?

For example

• Am I being honest because I expect something in return?
• Am I being loyal because I expect something in return?
• Am I only professing love out of a gesture of expectation?

Those who have matured into full adulthood have motivations that indicate their growth.

 

Manson in Everything is #@%!ED a Book About Hope gives a very clear cut definition of adulthood.

Adulthood is the realization that sometimes an abstract princple is right and good for its own sake, that even if it hurts you today, even if it hurts others, being honest is still the right thing to do. Therefore becoming an adult is therefore developing the ability to do what is right for the simple reason that it is right. Honesty is therefore an end, not a means to some end. (Manson 145)

This is the level of growth we have to achieve to build a legacy of lasting success and achievement. Before we can achieve anything meaningful we have to become adults and learn to look at things with an adult perspective.

The amazing thing is too many of us still don’t look at things with an adult perspective. This is the reason, why many of us have not achieved to the level that we most desire. It is largely due to our lack and or refusal to grow beyond adolescent and pre-pubescent thinking.

Change begins with defining what needs to change and then taking the necessary actions.

In this case, to make the necessary change we must first examine if our thinking aligns with the thinking of a young child or adolescent and if so make changes to grow and mature beyond that to be successful.

A Young Child’s Thinking

“A young child’s identity is very small and fragile. It is constituted by simply what gives pleasure and what avoids pain” (Manson 142).

This type of thinking does not nurture growth. Growth requires pain and requires that we sometimes face the fire, stretch beyond where we are comfortable, and lean into some challenging situations. This type of thinking is in opposition to the young child’s mindset.

An Adolescent’s thinking

As an adolescent everything is a trade-off. ” Nothing is done for its own sake, everything is a calculated transaction usually  made out of fear of the negative repercussion. Everything is a means to some pleasurable end. The problem with adolescent values is that if you hold them, you never actually stand for something outside yourself. You are still at heart a child. (Manson 143)

This type of thinking does not sustain success. This is the core of bargaining. The type of success that is built on this type of motivation is unsustainable. Eventually, the individual ends up empty and in a desperate search for their identity; and ends with a life’s journey which is miserable neither fruitful or rewarding.

If in examination we find our thinking and actions aligning with anything other than that of a mature adult it is time to change if success and achievement are what we seek.

Unlike Peter in Barrie’s book, Peter Pan we have to grow up in all things. If we want a fulfilling and successful life we cannot stay a child forever.

Works Cited

Manson, Mark. 2019. Everything is #@%!Ed A Book About Hope. NewYork: NY,

Harper Collins.

We have to be dissatisfied with where we are to grow.

But, let’s be honest growth can be a painful, timely, and terrifying process. Therefore, most don’t seek out challenging situations and circumstances. They rather try their best to avoid challenges and the discomfort that accompanies such at all cost.

However, one can not avoid pain if they wish to grow.

This is an absolute truth.

Despite knowledge of such truth, we avoid pain as much as we can.

In fact, for most, we wait until we are forced to grow.  We wait until the pain is forced upon us by some unforeseeable circumstance or misfortune and then we have no choice.  This is the theme that is addressed in Spencer Johnson’s acclaimed literary work Who Moved my Cheese.

Waiting for life to force growth upon you makes things a whole lot more painful than they should be.

This is largely due to our conditioning.

I know of an individual who has put in years of work for a company. The rewards are small and only slightly incremental relative to the time put in. Yet, the person refuses to reach for another level or just simply move on. Although this individual wants more for themselves, he or she cannot force themselves to step into change.

I surmise the hesitation is due to fear or feelings of false security.

Change and moving into the unknown is scary.

For this person, I believe that the phantom pain of the unknown does not supersede the current feelings of security the individual feels in the current position. Thus, there is no motive to change.

In order to progress and reach beyond the current level that individual must decide that the current payoffs are not worth the invested time. That individual must be dissatisfied enough with what he or she is reaping. The discomfort of staying must outweigh the perceived discomfort of the unknown.

As long as you are content with where you are, no matter how good or bad it may be for you, you will not be persuaded to do what is necessary to grow and change. If you want to take control of your life and the situation you have to reach. You have to move out of your comfort zone willingly and embrace the initial discomfort. You have to choose to be dissatisfied with your current state and know that there is something better on the other side of that temporary pain and bring about that change and growth of your own volition.

Don’t wait for life to force it upon you.

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Bargaining is “An agreement between parties settling what each shall give and take or perform and receive in a transaction.”

Most are familiar with the word bargain. The word bargain brings to mind intense transactions that occur in a boardroom or in some marketplace.

 

Or perhaps conjures up images of deals on retail products, “Bargain Shopping”.

Although we typically think of bargaining in the typical sense of market exchange, and as a positive, there is a negative side of bargaining.

In relation to achievement, bargaining can carry a more negative connotation.

When bargaining includes a willingness to exchange one’s priorities, health, or values for what one believes will fast track or enhance one’s growth,  one’s come up, or success then bargaining becomes extremely negative.

Sadly, the success that comes from such is usually short-lived, as one essentially manipulates their way to the top.

“Some people become incredibly good at playing the bargaining game. For many, the manipulation rarely fails them in any meaningful way” (Hanson 149)

while bargaining is essentially negative, it does not necessarily impede success, but just muddies the water and cheapens that success and achievement.

Those who go unfazed by the substance of their success, continue to bargain their way to succeed.

At some point as an individual, you have to decide what success means to you and by what means and measures you are willing to go to achieve success.

It is my belief that to get the best out of life one does not bargain everything away to achieve it.

Every time we bargain we lose a little of ourselves and thus some of our freedom.

Sometimes the price is just too high.

Besides, price is never a true indicator of value. While the price may create perceived value, perceived value is just that a matter of perception not an actual indicator of real value.

No matter how much you are willing to pay for something does not make it any more valuable. It is just an indicator of the lengths that you as an individual are willing to go to possess something.

“The only things in life of real value and meaning are achieved without condition, without transactions” (Hanson 149)

You have to ask yourself what are you shooting for, what is it really worth, and is it worth bargaining away everything.

If you want real and authentic success, refuse to bargain those things away that are essential and important to you such as; your character, values, priorities, and self-worth. 

Hanson, Mark. Everything is #@%!ed a Book About Hope. New York: NY, Harpers and

Collins Publishers.

Achievement requires a considerable amount of effort and tenacity, as progressing towards any goal exercises one’s endurance. First, there is the energy required to pursue a venture. Dreams do not fulfill themselves but are rather catalyzed by will and commitment.  Dreams are thrust forward by unmitigated desire. And once momentum is built, steadying the pace and staying the course requires refueling. Then there are the obstacles; setbacks, opposition, and losses that require additional bursts of energy. The pressure can be unrelenting, but success is the reward of those that stick with the goal.

No one would disagree that excelling beyond mediocrity without a strong work ethic and driving desire is improbable. But there would, however, be varying viewpoints on the significance of rest as it relates to success. Some proffer that rest has its place but has no ultimate bearing on success. This ideology supports the fallacy that the more or harder you work the better the outcome. This is a pure falsehood.

 Proper rest is a sustaining force that empowers one to work diligently, with sharp focus. Nothing can work constantly, infinitely, and especially not effectively without recharging. The consistent use of anything will cause wear and tear. This is true of everything with the ability to work, especially the human body. Recuperation provides you with energy to pour into your ambitions.

As a wife, mother, and achiever, I know how it is so easy to neglect proper rest and care. However, the glaring truth is, if not allowed to rest, the end is a total cessation of the ability to work. Your dreams do not work if you cannot work.

Beyond a certain point, it does not matter how much work one will put into achieving a goal, the results will be ineffective, and the outcome minimal. This is the effect of the law of diminishing returns.

 The more one refuses to rest the greater the strain on the body and mind. As a result, quality decreases, mistakes increase, and the results become substandard. Author Martin Meadows sums this up eloquently.

Rest reinvigorates and drives progress. As a mother, wife, and entrepreneur I continue to remind myself daily, don’t be afraid to rest, in fact, embrace it. There is only one you.

 

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