From time to time we all require a check-up, to assess if everything is working correctly, to ensure that there is no illness or hidden issues that require our attention. This applies to every aspect of our lives.

Sometimes when we look close enough, ask the right questions, we can get to the root of our ills. We can identify those things that are holding us back. And then cut ourselves loose from those things that don’t benefit us.
If not cut away, those things metastasize and can cause problems in other parts of our lives.

A few months ago, I had to make such a decision.

I was given the opportunity to be a part of a start-up.

Although there was promise, something was missing. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Anxiety ran deep. I found myself frustrated a lot. I wasn’t quite sure what it was, but despite the possibilities, I just wasn’t driven.

The real revelation came after two amazing opportunities presented themselves. These opportunities were just what was needed to give the start-up a good push. To take advantage of these opportunities would take a bit of work, however, they were excellent opportunities that could mean big things for the start-up. I took the ideas and presented them to the small company.

Given our goals and needs, I thought the opportunities would drum up excitement. But that was far from the case. In fact, the proposals just sat there. No one made a move to take advantage of the opportunities. Some weeks passed. When the members met again the same issues that would have been addressed by taking advantage of the proposals was still on the table. At that point, my frustration exploded. It was then I realized there was a problem, one in which I needed to excise.

I could not be a part of the startup any longer. I was not motivated. Nothing moved me. The frustration was greater than the vision. Sorely, nothing moved the others in the start-up either. Apathy spread like a virus and it was seeping into other areas of my life.

I had to excise that from my life. I was much better for it.

As I write this, I hope that the others will have had the courage to do the same. Because, what you are not driven by, will drive you, and not in a good way.

We all need from time to time to stop and assess the health of the things we are involved in. This will ensure that we remain whole, healthy, and happy.

If you are not willing to do what it takes to realize a dream.

If an opportunity does not fire you up?

If you let opportunities that could propel your dreams just slip through your fingers, you have to ask yourself an important question.

Is this really what I want?

Not until you can ask yourself the important questions, get rid of those things holding you back, and be willing to take advantage of the opportunities given you; then you will not be successful in the endeavors you put forth.

Sometimes the hardest thing is to come to terms with, is reality. There is a big gap between how we see ourselves and who we actually are.

Acceptance is not always easy.

Many people talk about gaining acceptance from others. But one of the hardest things is learning to accept yourself, being happy with who you are, and not giving in to the pressure to conform.

It is truly difficult.

I have heard so many stories recently about people who have had to come to terms with something in their lives.

In every story, these people speak of the struggle before the triumph. They recount tears,  fears, anxiety, and the feeling of inadequacy before the victory.

The struggle is real.

And then, there are some that make self-acceptance seem easy. They try to tell you how you should feel. How you should be right then and right there.

But we all travel our own individual journeys. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than because you have not made it to the stage of total acceptance.

Even total acceptance is a process.

While victory, success, or happiness may be on the other side, it takes a lot of strength to get there. And,  you are certainly not weak because it is taking you a little bit longer. You are not less than because you have not reached the level that others have.

It’s okay if it takes time. It’s okay if your journey is a little bit longer.

Just be sure to love yourself along the way.

Do the hard things a little bit at a time.

Take one step.

Make one move.

Remember, you don’t walk alone.
And sometimes if you have to stop for a little bit, stop and rest.

Being a mother of children, you learn so many lessons. Those lessons stick with you, and it helps you see life in a way that you never would have.
It is my belief, that no matter your role or responsibility in life if you pay close attention, you will learn some invaluable lessons

 One such lesson I learned
One of my dear children was sick, and to get better he needed to take medicine.

That medicine was the thing that was going to get him over what he was going through.  However, based on his reaction, I assumed that the medicine was not all that pleasant. So, on subsequent attempts to administer the medicine, he refused. He did everything in his power to avoid medicine.

It was a struggle for me to ensure that he got that medicine.

I found myself saying, “Oh my, why does he fight so the thing that is good for him.”

I lamented, “why won’t he just let me help him.” But no method of coercion would get him to believe that something that tasted so awful was good for him or would help him.

Cue the Frustration!

However, the fact remained that medicine was what he needed.

I had to push through and find a way to get him to take it despite his objections. It was quite a task. In the middle of this ordeal, something interesting came to mind.

I suddenly began to think of myself, and how sometimes, even though I know what is best for me I avoid it because it’s hard, bitter, unpleasant, or uncomfortable. Even though I know that what lies on the other side of that is health, success, peace.

I will refuse to willingly do that thing which is best for me.

It was a great illumination. Because my son was no different than I. I could greatly empathize. The only difference between he and I was age and life experience. There was no difference in the reaction. I too did not want to take strong medicine despite its benefits.

As adults or individuals who want to succeed, we have to do hard things. We have to take strong medicine.

We have to do what we don’t want to do. We have to make difficult choices. We must create good habits and adhere to them no matter how difficult. It’s not pleasant at first but it’s what we need.

There will not always be someone there to force-feed us, to ensure that we get our desired outcome.

And the last thing we want is for life to force-feed us.

So, we must mature beyond the thinking of a child, we cannot continuously avoid what is good for us and expect a successful outcome. We must learn to take the strong medicine on our own accord.

Addressing the slips

Meeting goals can be a challenge.

It is easy when you start off, before the motivation wanes.

Somewhere along the way, if you are like me, you struggle to be consistent.

You begin to wonder what the problem is, why can’t you meet those elusive goals.

Habit Forming

There are competing theories on how long it takes to create a habit.

Most give you anywhere between 30 to 90 days.

Presumably, after this time frame, you should pretty much have accomplished the goal, especially if it is in the vein of a habit change.

If you are like me, sometimes you struggle to make it that far. You get 15 to 21 days in and then lose momentum. From that point, it’s not that you stop working at it, but you become inconsistent, so the goal is never really solidified.

Or sometimes you do make it to those proscribed 30 or 90 days and you wipe the sweat off your brow with the hope of resting a little easier because you held on, assured you have formed your new habit.

Then one day you wake up after some 100 or 120 days, and you slip and find that what you thought you built has crumbled to the ground.

You don’t understand.

You may believe that all that advice about goal setting is really rubbish.

It’s not.

Habit-forming is not that easy and there are many reasons why the proscribed method may not work for you.

1. your goal is not set on a firm foundation

You don’t have a real purpose driving the change. So, you will not be willing to do what it takes to see it through.

Your purpose must be intrinsic. Your goal must be your goal, not anyone else’s, or for anyone else.

2. Your goals are not SMART or objective.

SMART is an acronym for specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely. You must make sure that you are not unreasonable with what you can achieve in the time you wish to achieve it. You must start off small.

3. You are not ready for change

When you really want to change you will find the impetus to do what is necessary. Excuses of any kind are tell-tale signs that usually indicate that you are not quite ready for change.

4. What you want is not for you

There are certain things in life that we want to achieve but, we are not equipped to do.  No matter how hard you try, you simply will not achieve it.

5. The process is not enjoyable

The process itself needs to be fun or enjoyable. Find methods that you enjoy to keep you motivated. No matter how much you want something if you dread the work it takes to get you there it will be twice as hard.

Many of my goals never came into fruition and for most of them, I found that one of these reasons above was the actual cause.

When you are ready for change you will commit to the process of change. You will be smart and reasonable.  You will employ the Kaizen method and make small and measurable steps towards improvement.  What you want will be achievable. You will have the right skill sets, education, and resources to achieve it, or at least access to those things.