Ask for help

As humans, we sometimes think that we have all the answers.

Often one of the hardest things to do is to ask for help.

In hindsight it always seems so easy. It is oh so easy to judge others who don’t ask for help when they so desperately need it.

Realistically it can be difficult to ask for help. We never really know until we have had the shoe on the other foot. I know from first-hand experience because I have worn that shoe.

Some typical reasons for this behavior is shame, ego, or a proud spirit.

Ego and a proud spirit go hand in hand. With this type of thinking one puts one’s self-importance above everything. Much of their self-worth is wrapped in what people think of them

For those people asking for help seems to crush their spirit or sense of value. They have an unrealistic view of themselves. They fear that letting others know they need help will make them seem lesser.

We are all in this thing called life together. We all need help sometimes.

There are others whose mistakes or misfortunes bring about a cloak of shame.

To ask for help will expose their vulnerabilities and unmask them, leaving the world seeing a side that they are not proud of . When it comes to needing help there should be no shame.

These all pose obstacles to seeking the help truly needed, when we truly need it, and it can be damaging.

One’s health and well-being often requires seeking help when it is most needed.

I want to motivate you to make a promise to yourself. Promise that when you most need it that you will seek help.

One of the most important things in life is knowing yourself and being true to who that person is.  That is the exact definition of integrity.

When you have integrity, you are the same person wherever you are.

You are not pushed or pulled or swayed. You are yourself, authentic to the core.

That means knowing your limitations and sticking to those limitations.

Be aware when seeking to maintain your integrity and your limitations of influential creep.

A wise person once proposed that you can know the essence of a person’s character by knowing their circle of friends.  Often those people who we most commune with tend to have the greatest impact on our lives, our thinking, our behaviors, and our habits.

 

If you aspire to be better, you have to build a circle of people who aspire to be better.

Would you believe it if I said that one person could work all their lives to build a certain standard? But, by simply moving into a new circle of friends, despite how many years they may have held to a standard, a poor influence can weaken that resolve?

Would you believe it if I told you that even if you kept to certain principles for years, it only takes a few days to deconstruct all that you have built?

Beware of influential creep

Influential creep is when little by little your circle of influence begins to impact and shape who you are. If you are not careful you can become someone that you don’t recognize and even someone you don’t like.

I know first-hand accounts of people whose lives have been flipped upside down simply by choosing the wrong circle of friends. People who were once healthy and whole became broken, struggling to get their lives back.

Their lives will never be the same.

There is more than enough pain and suffering in life.

Be wary of the people that you let come into your life. The wrong people will leave dirty footprints in your mind.

you have to resolve;

Those type of people will make you doubt all that you have done to be the person you have worked to be. Some things you just can’t come back from.

 

For many, this is a difficult time in their lives.

It is a period of redefinition.

We are coming face to face with who we really are.

We are finally still long enough.

We are finally alone.

We finally have no choice but to face how we have been living life and seeing the dissonance between what we do and who we really are.

The truth is, we have let our roles define us. We have exhausted ourselves in an effort to fulfill those roles.  We have become almost inseparable from those roles. When asked who we are, we are quick to say that we are teachers, students, parents, wives, husbands, children, etc…

Many can’t answer otherwise. Our identities are all wrapped up in those roles. It is painful to consider that we have lost ourselves. We spend most of our lives building and pouring into those things.

For a lot of people, including myself,  when they can no longer do those things or are in danger of losing those roles, we feel lost, empty, confused, and unsure.

It’s hard to find your way beyond that.

I can’t tell you how many tears I have shed and that I am still shedding.

The work only starts when we get alone, dig deep, go back to basics  and  redefine who  we are apart from those things that have taken center stage in our lives

The work is cumbersome.

This is a journey I am on now.

Some days I am exhausted and lost. Other days I start to see glimmers of who I am. I become reinvigorated and excited. I start to feel a sense of freedom and hope.

Self-discovery is a process and not an easy one. I believe it will be worth it.

There are blessings in every unfortunate situation.

Conditions and events in the world today are unfortunate, but I believe that there is a lesson and a blessing that will come out of this. There is something for each and every one of us.

I encourage you to take this time, a time when you are separated from those roles that have defined you and rediscover who you are apart from those things. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by what you find. If not then you know have the raw resources you need to build yourself into the person you always wanted to be.

Sometimes you must be resigned to the fact that there are things that you just do not know.

Life is a mystery.

No matter how many configurations or solutions that we come up with, life will always give us more puzzles to solve. The one thing we can be certain of is that there will always be an unknown.

This can be a scary concept.

I, myself, like to have some measure of control in my life.

I can admit that sometimes I get too comfortable in assuming how much control I actually have.

That sense of control gives me a sense of well-being or comfort.

When disruptions occur, I lose my sense of well-being, and I become imbalanced. The longer the disruption, it seems the more unglued I become.

Honestly, I feel lost, just lost.

I find it hard to admit that. I find it hard to say I am lost, that I need time and most of all that I need help.

But I am learning that it’s okay to admit that.

I am undergoing a process.

I have to take it slow. 

 The lessons are coming fast and hard. It’s like a crash course with an examination that you are in no way prepared for. But I’m learning.
One of the most important takeaways is that I have to let go.

.

I am sure that when I come out of this, I will be different. I will see the world through different eyes and that’s okay too.

I challenge you to release the grip.  Develop, learn, and recreate the life that you want.

What do you have to lose?

 

There is a deep pain that comes with feeling alone.

Loneliness is something many people suffer from although surrounded by many people.

There is this underlining feeling that many people have. I know I have felt this way a lot.

This has been quite a phenomenon to many. How can you possibly feel lonely when surrounded by so many people?

Truth is,  knowing more people or being surrounded by more people does not equate to happiness, satisfaction, or peace.

But, we are actually never truly alone in this world. There are many people who share our experiences, who are traversing the same path as we are. But we don’t always see them or hold conversations with them, and because they are not there in our moments of greatest need it is like they don’t exist.

The very sad thing is some of us leave the world without ever feeling that they are appreciated, understood, or truly loved. This is because oftentimes people wait until people leave or depart this world to openly express how much they appreciated, understood, or loved the people in their lives.

Conversely, often people never reach out to discover how people truly feel about them.

Humans are not mindreaders.

There are very few telepaths if any (that’s material for a different time).

So what we want others to know we have to tell them.

What we want or need we have to seek and ask for.

In this time of crisis, I have had moments when I felt alone, and my situation and circumstances misunderstood. It was only after openly expressing my feelings with my significant other that  I gained a more accurate awareness.

Although I could not see them, or feel them, or even talk to them, there were people who were in my corner who were praying for and thinking of me.

Initially, I  did not know that because they never reached out to me directly. Thus, my perception, although very real to me, was skewed.

But to think, if I had never implored, I would never have discovered.  I would have gone on thinking I was alone. They will have gone on thinking that I was aware of their concern.

During times especially as these, it is important that we let others know that they are not alone, that we share each other’s pain. It is equally important if you are in pain to reach out to someone.

While it seems trivial to some it can be a matter of life and death.

There is no time like the present to reach out.