Life constantly imparts lessons, necessitating swift reflection and course correction. It’s like speeding down the highway only to realize you’ve missed your exit. The goal is to find a way back to where you should be, rather than just continuing. That was the most impactful lesson I learned yesterday.
Yesterday, I realized the importance of accepting our truth and remaining steadfast in it. Don’t let anyone push you into over-explaining what you deeply understand. It’s a waste of time and energy that could be better spent on those genuinely open to listening and understanding.
Alarm Bells
Amid a rapidly developing situation that kept everyone on edge, I decided to offer my perspective based on ten years of practical experience. My perspective was grounded in extensive knowledge, built through years of direct involvement.
I was surprised at the dismissal of my perspective. So, I continued to engage, providing evidence to support my claims, essentially “showing receipts”. However, this did not convince the person I was speaking with. They discredited my input by claiming they had researched it online and insisted I was mistaken. That’s when the alarm bells started going off for me.
Walking Away
While I explained that my perspective was based on extensive experience, they preferred to argue that they had read something on the internet. In the end, it was clear that no amount of evidence would alter their stance; they had already decided I had been wrong. Having realized the futility of my time and effort, I politely replied, “Go ahead, and have at it.”
Let Them Think You’re Wrong
My experience taught me that there’s no need for further words once a truth has been established and supported by evidence. It is wise to let people or audiences come to that conclusion for themselves. Once opinions are formed about you or your presentation, they are unlikely to change. You have the choice to invest your valuable time, which is one of your most valuable resources, in debates and persuasions. Or, you can maintain your position and proceed forward.
You cannot persuade everyone even if you are armed with facts. Remember, some will never see the tree in front of their eyes, even if you point it out. Instead, focus on those who understand and appreciate your perspective. This approach preserves your energy and ensures your efforts are directed toward more productive and receptive audiences.
I redirected my attention to meaningful things that moved my life forward. I chose to move on from the distraction. Every moment spent is a moment invested.
I used to avoid talking about marriage, but I’m not sure why. Too many couples I witnessed appeared content and solid until one day, they suddenly weren’t. I realized that love can vanish instantly, regardless of the passage of time. This realization left me feeling unsettled, as if the very foundation of relationships was built on a fragile illusion.
I genuinely hoped that I could avoid this situation. However, life often teaches us that some matters are beyond our influence, regardless of our efforts. It’s essential for both individuals to choose to remain together. My journey has provided me with valuable lessons, even if I haven’t always navigated them effectively. At times, the lessons have felt nearly insurmountable. Nonetheless, we consistently learn and evolve, and life continues to impart wisdom. One of the most significant lessons I’ve discovered is the value of being equally yoked.
Unpacking the Significance of Compatibility
What about attraction and commonality? The significance of attraction in initiating and sustaining a relationship cannot be overstated. Shared interests provide a foundation for bonding and connecting with your partner. Even if you don’t have everything in common, there needs to be some overlap. I once believed that was sufficient for a successful relationship, but without compatibility, it can still fail. Compatibility involves more than shared interests; it encompasses values, goals, and communication styles that align between partners. When two people are compatible, they are better equipped to address challenges together and support each other’s growth effectively. This mutual understanding and respect create the foundation of a lasting relationship, allowing love to thrive even when faced with life’s inevitable challenges.
One’s beliefs and value system determine how one views work, religion, politics, childrearing, and morals. Upbringing and environment shape these principles. A person’s worldview rarely changes once they reach a certain age; those who do change do so slowly. This is why it’s essential to find someone compatible with you. You cannot change anyone else; you must fully accept that fact before entering a relationship. Embracing the idea that personal beliefs are deeply rooted helps individuals understand the importance of compatibility in relationships. Accepting this truth fosters healthier connections and reduces the frustration that may arise from attempting to alter another’s fundamental values.
Uneven Ground
What does it mean when two are not “equally yoked”? When a person is not equally yoked, their relationship starts with an almost insurmountable obstacle to overcome. A relationship cannot survive on shared activities or attraction alone—the level of conflict within a relationship is determined by how closely the other factors align. If two individuals consistently diverge from each other in those primary areas, progress will not be possible. The bond will eventually break beneath the pull. The pull of differing values, beliefs, and goals can create tension that erodes trust and understanding. Ultimately, for a relationship to thrive, both partners must be willing to grow together, fostering a connection that supports mutual development and respect.
When partners are compatible, they are more likely to approach conflict with empathy and understanding, making it easier to find mutually acceptable solutions. They also tend to have similar communication and problem-solving methods, which reduces misunderstandings and allows for more productive discussions. This alignment in handling disagreements fosters a sense of teamwork and strengthens the relationship even in challenging times.
From Whence Comes the Term
The term “equally yoked” originally refers to animals but is often used metaphorically to describe human relationships. In agricultural fields, farmers typically use two animals to pull plows. They tie them together, understanding that the combined productivity of two forces working together is greater than that of one. However, a farmer would never yoke two different animals, such as an ox and a donkey, because they possess different strengths and abilities. Both animals must move forward to make progress, and imbalances in size and strength can hinder that progress. This analogy highlights the importance of compatibility in partnerships, as working together effectively requires shared strengths and goals. Just as mismatched animals can impede progress, so too can incompatible relationships lead to challenges and inefficiencies.
Paying It Forward
When viewing an illustration, it’s straightforward to grasp the concept. However, the experience in real life is markedly different from simply observing an image. At times, emotions can surpass logical thought. My aim is to motivate individuals to seek knowledge and achieve a greater comprehension. Learning doesn’t only stem from actions; we also gain insights through observation. If even one person learns from my errors, it’s valuable and worthwhile.
As a teacher, pain instills a sense of caution and wisdom in you. Each time you touch fire, you gain insight. The initial pain is sharp, but with every subsequent burn, you become more cautious. As a result, you learn to understand fire’s nature, how you should approach it with caution, and how to maintain a distance. It’s a profound lesson in prudence, teaching you how to handle fire cautiously and without fear. This caution and wisdom are essential in relationships, keeping you alert and mindful of your choices.
With a heavy heart, I speak those words, drawing from my own painful experience. I have been burned severely. I wish to keep others from suffering a similar fate.
Options Are Important: But Don’t Be One
Beware of becoming just an option in someone’s life.
Examine the reasons and actions of those who claim to want you in their lives. Be direct and ask them why they chose you. Inquire about specifics, such as the qualities they admire and appreciate in you. Pay attention to their body language and cues. Listen to their answers and pay attention to how they respond. Evaluate their motivations, intentions, and reasons for their actions.
Prepare yourself for disappointment. Remember that being chosen should be a conscious and thoughtful decision, reflecting genuine intentions.
Illusion of Affection
I asked the person once why they had chosen me to be the object of their affection. They gave a never-ending list of compliments, but none truly explained why I (as an individual) was selected. The exact reasons given could apply to a million others. It was clear that their adoration was based not on who I was as a person but on what they perceived me to be. This made me realize that their affection was shallow and fleeting.
They informed me that I was the only one who responded when I asked for the unadulterated, pure truth. They reached out to others. I was the only one who responded. My kindness and empathy made me a target choice. While this seems pleasant, it is actually extremely sad.
The True Value of Choice
Just because someone is kind or empathetic is not a reason for them to hold a place of intimacy in your life. Be mindful that basic human character is becoming rare, and people now seek someone who is simply human and decent. This is an unfortunate reality of life.
I was chosen because I was human.
Selecting someone as a representative of humanity is not inherently problematic; however, the reasons behind the choice matter. It is essential to ask whether the decision genuinely reflects a true choice or arises from a scarcity of options. In order to make a choice, one has multiple alternatives to select from. Those individuals should possess qualities that attract you. And there is one individual who distinctly resonates above all others. That’s when an actual choice emerges, when one individual distinctly stands out among all others.
Navigating Love in the Era of Scarcity
People without choices cannot make informed decisions. Scarcity limits the range of options available, compelling individuals to make decisions out of necessity rather than genuine preference. When choices are limited, people may prioritize immediate needs and security over personal desires or compatibility. This can lead to settling for someone who is simply available rather than someone who truly aligns with their values and aspirations.
The key question is whether they would still select you if they had access to their ideal options. Please take a moment to consider this.
Look deeply into their eyes when asking this question. Don’t let justifications or empty promises mislead you. Ask them to be honest and tell you the truth. Listen to their response and determine if it’s genuine. If it’s not, then it’s time to move on.
Embracing the Unpredictable
Life is inherently unpredictable and full of surprises. I have witnessed wonders unfold before my eyes. If someone cannot genuinely promise to choose you in any situation, you are just an option. If their circumstances change, you will find yourself left behind. It is important to make sure the person you choose loves you for you and not for what you can do for them. Be wary of promises that are not kept. Always trust your instincts.
Dancing with fire will inevitably result in burns, and repeated burns can leave lasting, deep scars. It’s crucial to learn this lesson early and, if possible, from others’ experiences. You don’t need to touch a flame to understand its physical danger and harmful effects. This is a lesson in open-mindedness, in learning from others’ experiences to avoid unnecessary pain. The stories they share can empower you to make informed decisions, guiding you to avoid unnecessary pain.
A vice is a strong and consuming desire that leads to feelings of shame and guilt when acted upon. To qualify as a vice, a set of established moral principles must dictate certain behaviors as undesirable or unacceptable. These principles can be shaped by the individual’s own conscience, someone they look up to and respect or a societal code. Even when trying to resist the strong temptation, the person ends up giving in, leading to feelings of shame and guilt. This unrelenting desire becomes a vice—an insatiable craving for something unethical or immoral, a willful betrayal of societal norms and laws.
The Fallacy of Discipline
Contrary to common belief, stricter avoidance methods and harsh punishments do not effectively eradicate vices entirely. Instead, they may even exacerbate the problem by driving individuals further into secrecy and denial.
With lying, you avoid dealing with a problem by claiming it isn’t true. If you are caught, you’ll deal with it later.
With avoidance, you lie to yourself by putting something off that’s to be dealt with now.
Lying involves words; avoidance involves deeds.
Both are normal from a developmental point of view. But, if we fail to grow out of them, we suffer. Neither technique works in adult life.
These measures only provide temporary relief and fail to address the underlying issue. Despite strong self-discipline and personal standards, moments of temptation can still sneak in and linger like a heavy fog.
From Yearning to Liberation
The struggle to resist intensifies as the yearning deepens, taunting and enticing further. When someone finally gives in, a wave of guilt sweeps them away. How can one liberate themselves from the grip of a detrimental habit?
There needs to be a deeper change or understanding (transformation).
Transformation requires a deep internal change and acceptance of external situations, transitioning from old habits to new beginnings.
Genuine change is a complex process that requires internal transformation and acceptance of external circumstances. It is like shedding an old skin and embracing a new identity. To overcome a destructive habit, you need to introspect deeply, identify the underlying reasons for the desire, and address them at their core. This is no easy task, but once the desire has been uprooted, the harmful behavior will also fade away.
The key to lasting change is for a person to reach a state where engaging in such actions no longer brings them joy (pseudo satisfaction).
For example, if someone is trying to quit smoking, they may need to delve into their past traumas or triggers that cause them to turn to cigarettes for comfort. By addressing these underlying issues and finding healthier coping mechanisms, they can slowly overcome their addiction and eventually reach a point where smoking no longer provides them with any satisfaction.
This internal transformation and acceptance of external circumstances are essential for genuine change to occur—not because they are following rules or restrictions, but simply because they have no desire for them anymore.
True Alignment
On the other hand, one could also embrace one’s desires and acknowledge that one does not conform to the norms of those around them. One may begin to recognize that one’s beliefs and values differ from those around them, causing inner conflict and perhaps a sense of shame.
By distancing themselves from those who condemn their desires or hold conflicting ideals, they can create space for self-acceptance and alignment with their ethics, beliefs, and behaviors. This journey towards authenticity and self-discovery is powerful as it enables individuals to align their actions with their true values and beliefs, empowering them to live authentically.
For example, a person may realize that their passion lies in pursuing a non-traditional career path, such as becoming an artist or entrepreneur, instead of conforming to the expectations of their family or society. Staying in the space where your inner beliefs constantly conflict with those surrounding you will cause pressure. You are in a constant battle to be yourself, as in being yourself and believing what you do is condemned.
The Perils of Inauthencity
By surrounding themselves with supportive friends and mentors who share similar values, one can cultivate the courage to embrace their unique aspirations, likes, and dislikes. This shift towards authenticity not only brings a sense of fulfillment and purpose but also ultimately leads to a more genuine and meaningful life experience.
Living as someone other than your true self and behaving in ways that go against your nature invites a simmering rage and an overwhelming sense of resentment leading to inner turmoil. This internal turmoil bubbles and boils like a cauldron of self-loathing, threatening to consume and crush the person under its weight. It eventually drives the individual towards the things they despise. They may seek revenge on those who set the principles as they feel betrayed.
The Power of Integrity
However, conquering vices demands an unwavering commitment to integrity. An internal moral compass must serve as a guide for thoughts and actions that are in line with unwavering belief. You must know yourself and then decide to be true to what you know. If you cannot live without something, change your community of those who accept it, and you will lose the shame. If you know that it stems from a place that requires adaptation, then you commit to the work of eliminating the emptiness. If you know that the emptiness stems from a wound that needs healing, then you commit to the work of self-discovery and growth.
Establishing a supportive community of people who share your values and aspirations eliminates the need for rules or laws from outside sources because those who live by their principles feel unrestricted in their actions. When one follows one’s own path, guided by inner goodness, everything falls into place effortlessly—doubts dissipate, challenges diminish, and one evolves into an unstoppable force progressing towards genuine and pure righteousness.
I talked with a friend today about identifying purpose. It was quite meaningful. This is something that many people spend a lot of their lives trying to discover. Why are we here?
I venture to say that often there is a disconnect. What many think of as purpose they are actually thinking of occupation. People often mistakenly believe that their purpose and their occupation are synonymous.
One may feel they are purposed to be a doctor, lawyer, preacher, or run a business. Some may even equate talent and purpose.
A talent for doing hair, for athleticism, or the performing arts to them means purpose.
What if none of those acutally defined purpose?
What if all of those things (occupation/talent) were simply avenues to help humans fulfill a purpose?
The Essence of Purpose
Bear with me a minute!
I believe purpose is something much deeper; than what you choose to do earn money.
Talent is a gift but not a purupose. Occupation is a choice. How we desire to exercise our talents.
Purpose is actually what drives human progress. It is the enriching ideal of nourshing others so that we all may be better all (live a more fulfillin existence)
Purpose is ultimately universal. and one specific objective.
Purpose is relatively the same for everyone: to contribute to humanity’s growth and progress in some form, whether it be through the saving of the spirit, body, mind, or soul.
Talents and Purpose
Our talents help determine in which way we can better help our fellow travelers.
We have been endowed with specific ways that help us to engage, awaken, and move people in areas that others cannot. But we must discover our talents, lean into them, and develop them so that we can find the vehicle that makes it easier to reach the people we were created or born to meet, influence, and inspire.
Career (Occupation) and Purpose
Fundamentally, the occupation we choose is the most superficial component of it all. Our employ is merely a vehicle, a container in which we can sit in our talents, and use to move the mission forward.
While it is the most superficial its also the most troubling. To be content in life one’s talents must align with chosen career.
When our choice (occupation) does not align with our gift, then we struggle to properly fulfill the purpose of helping humanity in the way we were born to do so.
The Power of Alignment
When we discover that thing that we love, passion, which is self-driving (not forced) alignment happens .
Alignment is flow. Alignment is synchronistic.
When things align, there is a force of propulsion.
It takes an enlightened person to understand that if their employ is simply to difficult, in opposition to character, or out of sync with the core, then it most definitely means you are moving in the wrong direction.
Discovering Your True Calling
Joyce Meyers gives a very effective demonstration of this.
As Joyce Meyers notes in her devotional,
“I tried to grow our garden, can tomatoes, and sew my husband’s clothes. I wasn’t at all good at any of these things. And I despised trying; it was obvious that God wasn’t calling me to grow and preserve vegetables or sew. We know we are operating in our gifts and calling when what we do ministers life to others. If what we are doing makes us miserable or feels us with dread, it’s possible we are not in God’s perfect will. “
What it realky means is that what we are attempting to do is not for us. Success will be limited or not all.
You can’t force something to fit where it doesn’t
To Make It Plain
Let us go back to the beginning.
How do you know? you are living out your purpose?
One can look to a very impactful quote from major motion picture, “Fields of Dreams.
In a bit of a paraphrase, “If you build it and they come,” that is the first sign.
If there is joy and contentment in the building then (Eureka) you have found it.
Inspiraelevation 