There is a saying that ignorance is bliss. It is one of the most deceptively comforting statements we repeat. There is, of course, a counterpoint: that an increase in knowledge brings an increase in sorrow. Perhaps that is where the first idea takes root—if knowing more brings pain, then knowing less must bring contentment. But I would argue the opposite. Not knowing something does not prevent the pain that often accompanies that lack of knowledge; it merely delays it.
Lesson Backed by Experience
A recent experience drove that truth home in a way that was impossible to ignore. While the details may not be particularly pleasant, transparency is sometimes necessary to bring understanding and build connection.
My older children wanted pets—specifically kittens. Our home already had a Maine Coon, so adding two more was not initially appealing to me. Still, as parents often do, I acquiesced. Our household became home to one adult cat and two kittens.
Having never cared for kittens in that capacity, I was content to leave the litter responsibilities to my children. As many can probably relate, that arrangement did not last long, and the task became a shared duty. While cleaning one of the designated litter areas, I remained unaware of a critical detail: there was a hidden tray beneath the box that held an absorbent pad, and it, too, required regular changing. I was ignorant of this simply because I did not know to look for it.
The Lesson at Hand
That ignorance did not shield me from its consequences. Physical symptoms—persistent headaches—began to signal that something was seriously wrong. When I finally discovered the source of the problem, the situation had escalated far beyond what it would have been with earlier awareness. The cleanup was significantly worse, far more unpleasant, and far more urgent. But it had to be done.
Ignorance Is an IOU with Interest
That experience taught me a lasting lesson. Ignorance is not protection from consequences. When you know better, you do better—but when you do not know, the consequences still arrive, often compounded. Proactivity matters. Asking questions matters. Research matters. Every choice we make carries outcomes, and those outcomes do not pause simply because we failed to understand them.
One of the most difficult realities of life is not knowing. Uncertainty is a universal truth, an inescapable condition of the human experience. The challenge, then, is learning how to bridge the space between the discomfort of not knowing and the acceptance that many things will always remain unresolved. That tension has been one of my greatest teachers. Life has shown me that while uncertainty exists, so do confirmations—quiet, consistent alignments that guide us if we are present enough to notice them.
Looking Back on the Way Forward
The past three years of my life have been marked by relational struggles of the kind that immobilize you, creating a suction that pulls you deeper the more you resist. I often think of Atreyu sinking into the Swamps of Sadness in The NeverEnding Story—fully aware of the danger, yet unable to move forward. I was lost, suspended in uncertainty, with no clear sense of direction or relief. I simply did not know.
Never Ending Story. Image source: Warner Bros.
The Shift Came Through Release
The shift did not come through answers. It came through release. I let go of the need to understand, to predict, and to control outcomes. I stopped demanding clarity from the future and narrowed my focus to the present day—until even that felt like too much, and I lived moment by moment. Looking beyond the immediate darkness and despair, I learned to stay where my feet were. It was in that narrowing of focus that something began to change.
Narrowing Focus to Widen Awareness
Mindfulness became a lifeline. As I committed to meeting each moment as it arrived, without resistance or expectation, my awareness widened. I became receptive rather than reactive. And in that openness, something quietly began to bloom. What emerged was a recognition that my path had been saturated with confirmation all along.
Clearing the Noise to Hear
I began to understand that guidance had never been absent; I simply hadn’t been still enough to perceive it. Confirmation was always present, but my mind was too cluttered—too noisy with fear, anticipation, and unresolved emotion—to register it. Through the daily practice of renewing my mind and clearing away what was heavy and sticky, I began to hear the echoes that had been there all along. Those echoes were seeds—indications of where something needed to be planted and where something else had reached its time for harvest.
We Forget and Remember
I know there may be moments when I lose this clarity again. There is a very human tendency to forget foundational truths, no matter how deeply they are learned. I may find myself deafened once more by uncertainty. But this time, I hope I remember what matters most: that uncertainty may be a fact of life, but it does not have to define my portion.
When Uncertainty is the Teacher
My life is guided by something greater than myself. When I remain mindful of that truth, I understand where answers come from—and more importantly, how to be still. By pushing away what is unnecessary and returning to the present, I reconnect with the essential. It is in living fully within the moment and responding to what that moment requires that confirmation reveals itself again and again.
I began writing this blog in 2015 out of a desire to inspire others. It had always been a dream of mine to help people in some way, shape, or form. When I looked at the world—and at my own experiences within it—I didn’t like what I saw. I saw despondency. I saw pain. I saw the rot of apathy. Callousness and a lack of empathy, like conjoined twins, drain the essence from the human journey. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to change how people saw themselves and, in doing so, help redirect them toward joy, contentment, and ultimately, satisfaction with the life we are all navigating.
Insight From Experience
I wasn’t always consistent, sometimes more, sometimes less. There were seasons of inspiration and seasons where I fell away. Even those who aspire to inspire still need inspiration themselves. That is one of the price tags of being human: we experience not only the highs but the lows as well. Someone once asked, what is the pinnacle of joy without having known the depths of pain? I have found that question to hold profound truth.
Off The Beaten Path
Last year, I let this blog sit untouched. There were no snippets of truth to share, no personal accounts through which to connect, because I had lost touch with the joy of the experience. I had grown weary. I had lost almost all of the spark that led me to begin this endeavor in the first place. The past two years, if I am honest, felt like an abysmal pit of despair.
A Cycle of Growth
I wrestled with how to return—how to begin again. What I’ve come to understand is that there is no better place to start than exactly where you are. That is true for any goal, any pursuit, any marker along the run. Start where you are. One step becomes two, and then another. Don’t fixate on what pulled you off the path. There’s an old saying—don’t cry over spilled milk. Perhaps it’s a less empathetic way of saying what is still true: you cannot change the past; you can only influence the future. And that begins by living fully in today.
The Way Forward
What this blog will become this year, I cannot say with certainty. But uncertainty does not mean being unled, unpurposed, or giving up. It means continuing the good work that the Father placed within me. It means inspiring as I am inspired and following what is placed on my spirit to share. That is where genuine, nourishing growth takes place—by returning to the source and drawing from it.
This is a new journey: the same path, the same goal, but a different strategy. My hope remains that somewhere, someone will read these words and find a path toward transformation. I am not asking that what I write here singlehandedly change anyone. Rather, my hope is that it opens the heart, the mind, the soul, and the spirit—creating space to reconsider how we view the journey itself. How we see the world stems from how we see ourselves, and how we see ourselves determines the quality of our existence.
A Sower In Season
There is a passage that speaks of some being called to sow and others to reap. I am called to sow. And so, here’s to a year of growth, reconnection, and shared humanity.
It’s been said before, but life is replete with lessons. There will always be a teacher if one is willing to learn. One thing I know I struggle with is demonstrating understanding.
And no, I’m not talking about the wisdom that comes with reflection, contemplation, and assimilation of what I have learned from general matters.
I speak of understanding in the sense of demonstrating greater patience and a more profound sense of empathy.
What the World Needs Now: On Building Relationships
One thing that I believe is lacking today is deep empathy, patience with others, and the willingness to, above all, seek understanding. People, in general, live a more strained and stressed existence. People get fed up too easily.
Grace, respect, reserve, and empathetic listening are qualities sorely missing from the public discourse now.
Relationships require nurture. Which means attentiveness and care. As people, we must care for the people to whom we choose to relate regardless of what level that relation may be. Caring for others requires empathy and patience. Without it, it is impossible to maintain a long-term relationship with another human being.
A Course on Humanity
And what life has taught me over the last months is that we must constantly examine our humanity and renew our commitment to demonstrating grace. I have had this reflected back to me in numerous ways in the past year. It has fallen upon my ears in several manners. It has passed my eyes in text. It has shown itself to me through circumstance. Yet it was not until late that I sat down to really heed these lessons.
Lost in Loss
My first lesson began with a loss. Then I got a repeat lesson in the subsequent months with a near loss. The first tragedy forced the scales from my eyes. The second reinforced the lessons from the first, so I would not slip back into former belief patterns.
The first took my breath away the second took me to my knees. I was in a position where I had nothing to do but seek understanding.
What was the greatest source of my pain?
I knew I had been guilty of placing lofty expectations on others. But I was learning to adjust them.
That is not to say I shouldn’t have had any expectations of others.
We need to set standards and boundaries for what we will and will not permit in our lives. That is necessary for our mental well-being.
I didn’t know what to do when others I held close didn’t even meet the minimum. What would it mean if someone I loved didn’t act in a manner that I felt fell on the baseline of what was acceptable?
I was shaken. by what I perceived as callousness. And in a moment of desperation, I threw up my hands from exhaustion from trying. I wanted to excise all people from my life.
Lesson 1: On Grace
That is when I received the first message regarding grace. Someone dear to me inquired if I had considered first extending grace. The person continued. What about considering that there are factors I couldn’t see that impacted their movement.
I could not possibly understand how my hurt impacted others, or why they responded to the tragedy the way they did?
Did I consider that there are some things others haven’t learned yet?
So what about extending grace?
While I received the advice, I didn’t fully understand it enough to act on it when it was shared with me. And at the time I didn’t want to because I was too lost in my own loss and grief.
I only wanted others to empathize with me. I only wanted them to reach out to me and share in my grief. I didn’t want to suffer alone.
I most wanted to know why others couldn’t see my pain and respond with a rudimentary demonstration of kindness.
Can’t they see I’m hurting I would ask?
Is this how they would like to be treated I would inquire within?
That would not be the last lesson I would be taught on grace.
Lesson 2: On Grace
I would be taught this lesson again.
Some months later, strain within a working environment left me feeling overlooked and undervalued.
There were basic expectations I held for I felt I should be treated by my colleagues and leaders. And when I felt those basic expectations went unmet, I withdrew. I was hurt and felt disrespected. And I was on the verge of quitting when a conversation with the CEO changed my perspective.
Through a discourse, the CEO revealed to me some information I would not normally be privy to. The conversation bought enlightenment where there was none. Upon the illumination of the matter, I saw how mistaken I had been.
My assumptions were based on my limited knowledge.
My inability to be patient, understanding, and extend grace, created stress where there should have been none.
‘What is Grace?
Grace is the ability to extend the benefit of the doubt. The willingness to consider factors we don’t understand and thus be slow to judge and act. It is the ability to feel empathy on an entirely different level.
I’m convinced that my inability to show grace has been an enduring source of my pain. My inability to understand that people cannot act beyond their experiences left me hurt.
The Key to Deep Relationships Is Grace
What we see is only a tiny part of what another person goes through and deals with daily. It is impossible to judge the human heart based on one response. Life is so much more complex.
Fundamentally, we can’t expect people to act beyond what they know or what they have learned. Unfortunately, we don’t know everything a person has learned. So, the best we can do to nourish and deepen relationships is to learn the art of grace.
Grace is what matters in anything – especially life, especially growth, tragedy, pain, love, and death. It keeps you from reaching out for the gun too quickly. It keeps you from destroying things too foolishly. It sort of keeps you alive.
James Allen wrote his most memorable work, As a Man Thinketh, in 1902. In 1952 Norman Vincent Peele wrote the Power of Positive Thinking. Over 120 years later, since Allen’s book, thousands of books have been written on framing one’s mindset to look at the glass half-full and for a good reason.
The Importance of Positive Thinking: Looking at the Glass Half Full
When you focus on the positive, there is less room for negativity. It’s a universal understanding that light and darkness cannot simultaneously occupy the same space. Light drives out darkness; conversely, darkness is the absence of light. Thus, if one truly desires to live a more satisfying existence of light and love, they must focus on that which emits light and love, that which is pleasing, enjoyable, and lovely.
Some may ask if being over-positive is a thing. This may be difficult for some to understand, but positive thinking in the form of idealism can have negative implications. \
What is idealism?
As defined in the dictionary, Idealism is,
“the tendency to represent things in an ideal form, or as they might or should be rather than as they are.”
And there is a particular pain that comes with this thinking, as idealism will frequently lead to disappointment.
Why?
We don’t live in an idealistic reality. We are flawed people living in an imperfect world. Extreme ideations of others can lead to unmet expectations.
As Edith Eger notes in her book “The Gift: 14 Lessons to Save Your Life,”
Life is not always fair or good and isn’t always easy. So it does nothing to think it will be otherwise, especially because one subscribes to seeing the glass half full.
So What is One to Do?
This does not mean one should not surround themselves with positive things. This does not mean that one shouldn’t center their thoughts on positive things. An individual should always choose hope. However, one must also understand that life happens to us all. Thinking positively does not negate what things we may go through.
On the contrary, thinking positively helps us get through those things. Moreover, thinking positive helps us maintain an attitude that will draw more positivity into our lives. But to reap the benefits of such focus, one must appropriately manage expectations.
What Does Managing Expectations Have to Do with Idealism?
The most immense pain that comes with idealism is drawing characterizations of others in our minds with our ideations. It becomes challenging to deal with when the people in our lives fail to live up to those ideals. Either we lose trust in those people or in people in general. We are cut by the fragments of the image of who we want them or wish them to be fall. That is why It is imperative to manage expectations, especially when dealing with others or seeking to maintain relationships.
Admittedly the actual problem does not lie with them but within us. It lies in our need or penchant to place our expectations (ideals) on others.
A Personal Truth
I can’t divulge how many times I have been bitten by this. For years I have tried to understand why people were the way they were. I can’t count how often I have been hurt, burned, or let down by family and so-called friends. But the thing is, I never saw a problem within myself.
I never took time to look at the expectations I held for others. And given the position I gave them in my mind, I expected them to live up to the standards I had assigned for those given roles. I expected them to fulfill my definition of friendship. I felt as if they should live up to my definition of what love meant. I not only expected but required them to fulfill their role as I defined those roles. When they failed because authentically, they were incapable of meeting my ideal, I felt hurt.
I never acknowledged that I didn’t see those people as they were. I didn’t take into consideration their definition of love or friendship. I didn’t consider they did the best they could to live up to their definition of a friend, sister, mother, or significant other. I was simply being unfair to expect them to carry out my ideals. So, my idealism prevented me for years from forming lasting relationships. It stopped me for years from being able to forgive or move on. My thinking enslaved me.
Word to You
I say all of that to say think positive. Embrace positivity and seek out positive situations and people. But also seek Balance. No, that when it rains, it rains on everyone; no one is immune. Undergoing a storm doesn’t mean you should stop looking for sunnier destinations.
Don’t mistake idealism for positivity. Seek balance in your expectations, and you will feel liberation. Accept people as they are and always lean to the side of thinking that people are authentically trying even if their definition of trying doesn’t meet our own.
Is it always easy to do this no? Is it worth working on it? It is always worth it. Above all, remember you are never alone in your growth process. We are going through this thing called life together.
Inspiraelevation 