Few feelings in the world are as great as the feeling of liberation. 

I have never been in physical shackles, and I am so grateful. 

Shackles of Another Making

However, that doesn’t mean that I have never been imprisoned. 

You know the feeling of being trapped or the state of not being able to move or change your situation.

What about enclosing yourself inside yourself, not free to express what you desire or openly exhibit what you love because it’s frowned upon.

Self-Forged Chains; Self-Imprisonment

Unfortunately, while many do not don physical chains, we still wear chains. Some of those chains are self-forged.

I know mine was. 

I voluntarily handed over my freedom. That’s because I was a people pleaser. But, as I mentioned before, I was mired in GOOP.

To be honest, I have always felt like an outsider. And I never embraced that as something powerful or to be championed. I always saw it as a horrible flaw.

I wanted so badly to belong and be liked. 

Unseen Chains

So, every day I reinforced my unseen chains until they were ironclad.

But unseen chains are some of the most complex constraints to break free of. 

Although I felt them, I couldn’t see them.

I would sense the tug every now and then because they held me back from being who I could be because I was stuck at who I wasn’t. And instead of asking how I could be more like myself and love myself for who I was, I always questioned why I couldn’t be like someone else. 

Now I know it was mostly fear that people would laugh or ignore me if I did more of what I loved. It was not as if they weren’t already laughing. I needed them to laugh a whole lot less. 

So I struggled a lot. 

Why do we so easily accept chains?

We are human and flawed. One of the most basic human needs is acceptance. 

There aren’t many who don’t wish to belong. Belonging means congruency, having a home or feeling at home. That means comfort. 

So, we seek affirmation. 

 However, this is the antithesis of freedom. Someone else holds the keys to our movement.

As Edith Eger author of the book The Gift 14 Lessons to Save your Life pens it,

“But when you’re a whole person, an adult, you don’t have to ask anyone’s permission.” ( 110).

What Happens When We Look for Affirmation? 

When someone doesn’t affirm us, it drives us to act in ways against our nature in trying to wedge ourselves into a mold someone else has constructed. 

The thing about trying to fit in the molds others make for us is sometimes they are too small, and sometimes there are too big. So, we either must shrink ourselves to fit or fill large spaces that are too big for us.

And sadly, we either suffocate ourselves or lose ourselves because we never meet those standards. They are too far from who we are.

A little example with a significant meaning

Think of a giant in a land of elves. 

All the giant knows he is his otherness. That otherness makes him feel lonely, uncomfortable and rejected. So his greatest desire is to have the comfort of being included. So, he sets to the task of doing whatever he must to fit in with the elves. However, some of the things they engage in simply don’t suit him or his frame. 

But he attempts to engage anyway, knowing it will never make him happy within himself. More importantly, it will never work. On the contrary, it will likely cause him more pain. He will suffer the physical pain of simply not being equipped to do those things. He will suffer the emotional pain of feeling less than trying and failing to accomplish those things that his very nature will not permit. 

The giant will always be unhappy. He will feel stuck. And the elves will never respect him. They may pity him, but that is something different altogether. 

You see, they know he will never be one of them. And by not being himself, they don’t benefit from the uniqueness he would bring to them. So, he is essentially imprisoned by his own doing. 

Either way, he pushes against a brick wall and expects it to move, resulting in dissatisfaction.

The Greatest Freedom: Dropping the Chains

Thus, I understand that the greatest freedom lies in totally accepting who you are in being free to love what you love and who you are without apology—understanding that you are enough. You don’t need to earn or prove anything. You were born worthy of acceptance, and that was so from the day you entered this world. 

Above all, you don’t have anything to prove.

“If you have something to prove, you’re still a prisoner (Eger 112).”

Those who love you will accept you for who you are. They will not attempt to change you to fit some model of what they desire.

And it helps to remember that there will always be someone out there who will appreciate and love you for your flaws. Because to them, you are perfect in your imperfections. 

In Freedom: You are Complete

You can never be someone else. Even if you tried, you would find it exhausting. You can wear a mask for a bit, but that gets old. You must take it off.

It may seem that you can achieve greater acceptance by altering the things you engage in. 

What fun is it in giving up the things you find pleasure in to engage in something that doesn’t move your heart? That brings about regret.

It is possible to alter your exterior; medical advancements make it so. But then what. 

You must ask yourself what will be enough. They don’t love you if they need to change something about you to love you. They love the desire for that thing more. Who’s to say they will not later desire to change something else. If someone is unhappy with who you are, they will either continue to place more expectations on you or simply discard you when you fail to meet their ideal. That is subjecting oneself to a life of constant fear and abuse. 

A Word of Wisdom

If someone needs you to be something or someone else, liberate them. Focus on loving you as you are. Release your spirit, and your mind and body will follow. You will find you will draw more of the same freedom in nature and those who celebrate the freedom you live in.