There is a popular book written by the late James Matthew Barrie about a boy who didn’t grow up. In fact, he found other boys who had been neglected or orphaned and took them away to a land where they would never grow up. Ironically this land was called “Neverland.” These boys that Peter took with him were called “the lost boys.” By now I’m sure you are very familiar with the book to which I am referring, “Peter Pan.”

Everyone passes through childhood. For many, it is a magical time and some not so much. But childhood soon passes and we make our way into adulthood, that is physically speaking.

The truth is it takes some of us longer than others to mentally pass into adulthood. We find that although the years have passed and time and experience has impacted our bodies we still have not fully matured to the extent that we should have.

Some of us still struggle to define maturity and what actions indicate that we have indeed reached maturity. As most look at it maturity a byproduct of aging and simply experiencing life over time.

“Pass a certain point maturity has nothing to do with age what matters are a persons intentions the difference between a child, an adolescent, and an adult is not how old they are or what they do but why they do something.  (Manson 147).

Eureka there it is!

It is our rationale that determines our level of maturity.

Our motives behind our action are very telling. And at some point, one has to examine the root of their actions.

Here are a few questions that we should ask ourselves to get to the root of our motivations.

1. Are my motives conditional?
2. Am I doing something just for the sake of doing it?
3. Am I carrying out an action because it is a principle that I have adopted?
4. Are my actions transactional, or am I only doing something to expect something in return?

For example

• Am I being honest because I expect something in return?
• Am I being loyal because I expect something in return?
• Am I only professing love out of a gesture of expectation?

Those who have matured into full adulthood have motivations that indicate their growth.

 

Manson in Everything is #@%!ED a Book About Hope gives a very clear cut definition of adulthood.

Adulthood is the realization that sometimes an abstract princple is right and good for its own sake, that even if it hurts you today, even if it hurts others, being honest is still the right thing to do. Therefore becoming an adult is therefore developing the ability to do what is right for the simple reason that it is right. Honesty is therefore an end, not a means to some end. (Manson 145)

This is the level of growth we have to achieve to build a legacy of lasting success and achievement. Before we can achieve anything meaningful we have to become adults and learn to look at things with an adult perspective.

The amazing thing is too many of us still don’t look at things with an adult perspective. This is the reason, why many of us have not achieved to the level that we most desire. It is largely due to our lack and or refusal to grow beyond adolescent and pre-pubescent thinking.

Change begins with defining what needs to change and then taking the necessary actions.

In this case, to make the necessary change we must first examine if our thinking aligns with the thinking of a young child or adolescent and if so make changes to grow and mature beyond that to be successful.

A Young Child’s Thinking

“A young child’s identity is very small and fragile. It is constituted by simply what gives pleasure and what avoids pain” (Manson 142).

This type of thinking does not nurture growth. Growth requires pain and requires that we sometimes face the fire, stretch beyond where we are comfortable, and lean into some challenging situations. This type of thinking is in opposition to the young child’s mindset.

An Adolescent’s thinking

As an adolescent everything is a trade-off. ” Nothing is done for its own sake, everything is a calculated transaction usually  made out of fear of the negative repercussion. Everything is a means to some pleasurable end. The problem with adolescent values is that if you hold them, you never actually stand for something outside yourself. You are still at heart a child. (Manson 143)

This type of thinking does not sustain success. This is the core of bargaining. The type of success that is built on this type of motivation is unsustainable. Eventually, the individual ends up empty and in a desperate search for their identity; and ends with a life’s journey which is miserable neither fruitful or rewarding.

If in examination we find our thinking and actions aligning with anything other than that of a mature adult it is time to change if success and achievement are what we seek.

Unlike Peter in Barrie’s book, Peter Pan we have to grow up in all things. If we want a fulfilling and successful life we cannot stay a child forever.

Works Cited

Manson, Mark. 2019. Everything is #@%!Ed A Book About Hope. NewYork: NY,

Harper Collins.